I know I should be talking to a doctor but I really don’t want someone poking around down there lol but please give me your best knowledge and advice! Sex is pretty painful for me due to lack of lubrication and my vagina is literally to tight to the point where it’s painful for me and my boyfriend lube could obviously help the first problem but why won’t my body relax? My mind says yes let’s have sex but my vagina says no and when I try i end up just being sore and rubbed raw after sex like friction burn pretty much. How can I get my vagina to cooperate??? Is this from my birthcontrol? Is it a mental thing? I make sure to do forplay I won’t let him enter until we’ve done foreplay but even then it’s still a slow painful process and not only does my vaginal opening hurt but the deeper he goes there’s like this pressure near my cervix. Can anyone help? I’m really not comfortable going to an OB.

It’s understandable to not want a doctor poking around. I think a doctor probably could help, but since that’s not preferable, I’d recommend doing some self research, maybe on Vaginismus! Physical therapy or talk therapy may also help in the long run. You could continue experimenting (with lots of lube!) or just focus on other sexy stuff that doesn’t involve penetration. You could try experimenting alone as well, as your body might feel safest that way.

I know it’s frustrating when our bodies won’t cooperate how we want them to. I would try to extend as much patience as you can to yourself. Your body is doing its best and is communicating something to you. Thankfully, I wouldn’t worry too much about the birth control itself being the cause, that’s very unlikely. Wishing your vagina luck on its journey 🩷

Please know that it can also be your body's trauma response. If you've experienced pain during sex, you're more likely to keep tensing up because you're expecting it to be painful. You mentioned foreplay: what kind of foreplay and how long? Is it mostly focused on you? Have you tried reaching an orgasm before attempting penetration? That would be an easier way of knowing if your body is properly aroused and ready. Could of course be something entirely different such as vaginismus or pelvic floor issues.

I replied this to someone with the same issue a few weeks ago: I’ve experienced this, I think I had a mild cases of vaginismus, which is the vagina involuntary contracting/tightening making sex painful and difficult. I think what changed for me personally is I stopped putting so much pressure on myself for it to happen. I was so desperate to have sex, it really messed with my self esteem. Me and my boyfriend stopped trying to have penis-in-vagina sex and focused on other stuff which was far more enjoyable for me. And eventually we managed to make it work. A doctor will be able to help, you can always ask for a female doctor when you book the appointment. And googling about vaginismus might be helpful Xx

I was going to ask the same questions as @xnymphadora. Are you on any other medication? That can affect dryness/arousal sometimes. Also it’s probably not what you want to hear but I think if you can’t bring yourself to speak to a doctor about these things then you probably aren’t ready to have sex yet

@xNymphadora well try making out grinding massages @Awg1 it’s not about speaking it’s about a stranger wanting to look at my vagina that’s typically what a vagina doctor is gonna wanna do :/

@xNymphadora foreplay well do like 20-30 minutes focused on me grinding kissing massages more

@Blixy does that mean you've never had a vaginal exam or pap smear? I know its uncomfortable but they are extremely important to get regularly as part of your overall healthcare. Pap smears help screen for cervical cancer and HPV.

@Blixy a doctor doesn’t “want” to look at your vagina, they really don’t care since they’re just doing their job in trying to help you and for that they might have to examine you.

@aurielle never had one don’t plan on ever getting one I practice safe sex and do my best to take care of my reproductive health

@Yi_eune I don’t mean want in they want to for them I mean want as in that’s the typical way they check things out

Safe sex will not impact cervical cancer, pap tests are extremely important. I know how awkward and terrifying they are, I had my first one at age 26. I was so surprised at how not stressful it ended up being with a good (ideally female) doctor. It sounds like you may have some mental block and I can almost guarantee you that if you get over your fear of the gynecologist, you will be more relaxed with your partner.

@Blixy it’s really important to get checked, especially if you’re experiencing issues. When you’re young you tend to find it stressful and maybe embarrassing in a way, but book an appointment with a female doctor if it helps. Even if it’s just an appointment to talk about your feelings towards having the examination. Talking to your doctor might help you ease into it.