Okay so hey guys I never check my boyfriend’s phone, he never checks mine. It’s like we made it a thing to respect one another’s privacy because I believe if you check your partners phone too often it becomes an invasion of privacy and also becomes an obsession to constantly checked My bf was next to me with his phone and I just pressed on the home page because I wanted to see if he unblocked the girl I told him to block

Wait idk why it posted before I finished texting But basically he didn’t let me and took the phone away, I asked why , him doing that raised my suspicion and made me wanna check chats He just said “I don’t want u looking through my phone” I asked why he said “because I don’t want” Now I’m in bed mad and I told him that it’s really upsetting and honestly my trust is down a lot right now . It’s been like 30 minutes and he could’ve deleted shjt while in the toilet etc

@Spain10 I honestly feel really uncomfortable Is it ridiculous of me to ask him to drive me home? I never check his phone but if he felt he needed reassurance I’d let him check mine no problem There are chats I wouldn’t let him (my best friends, my moms etc) But I’d let him check what would make him feel more secure I feel really upset right now and I just wanna go home and he’s my only ride but idk if it’s ridiculous and childish of me to feel this way

Btw he blocked the girl months ago, I just had a bad intuitive feeling and wanted to see if she’s now unblocked

@Spain10 and he asked me if we’re still watching a movie I said I don’t feel like it anymore and he was like “no seriously are u still mad about that” I told him “I’m sorry but your reaction just made me feel bad and if I’m being honest now my trust has dropped a lot, it’s not that I check your phone often it never happens” And I genuinely feel so weird now I’m starting to doubt this relationship because it’s obvious if someone doesn’t let you check something that they’re hiding something. :/

Why didn’t you just ask him if the girl is blocked instead of trying to look for yourself?

@seechell idk because i feel if he unblocked her he wouldn’t tell me Because he would know I’m not ok with it if I asked him to block her in the first place no?

I think the fact you think he would lie to you if you asked him a question is the more concerning part. I think it’s understandable if he doesn’t want you to look through his phone—I find that to be an invasion of privacy as well—but the fact you don’t feel you can trust him seems concerning!!

@Grazydol8 I find it very hard to trust anyone :/ I don’t believe words I believe only what I see and actions people do I still don’t let my trust issues affect my relationship, I stop my self from invading privacy, I don’t dare go through ones phone’s without their permission etc But idk if he felt upset or not secure and asked to go through my phone id let him because I genuinely have nothing to hide If it were to become a habit I would end the relationship but if it happened once in a while id let him because I feel like sure there should be privacy in relationships 100% you are your own human But if your second half feels insecure and wants to just take a 2 minute look in your phone to calm down that feeling then it’s okay no? Correct me if I’m wrong Also like I really respect my relationship, since I met him I don’t let random guys who are interested in me to; follow or add me vise versa, unless it’s for business, work or someone my bf knows etc So I just expect the same respect I give Correct me if I’m wrong please 🙏🏻

Why did you feel like you had to ask him to block this girl in the first place?

@aurielle it was at the start of our relationship, there was this girl he was interested in before meeting me, after meeting me he removed her then he saw me speaking with her and added her back a few days after , I asked him to block her because I didn’t feel comfortable with him having contact with a girl he was flirting with before and knowing she wants him (she’s like this girl who’s known to go from guy to guy in our area, I don’t judge her I just don’t trust her around my man)

I’m not saying you’re wrong but, solely based on what you’ve said, I don’t think he’s wrong either. If my partner is insecure about something I’m happy to talk to him about it and maybe also show him that I blocked the person or whatever the issue is, but if they have to go thru my phone to believe or trust me, then I would feel like we’re probably not compatible as that’s not something I’m comfortable with. Not bc I have something to hide but if he can’t trust my word it’s too far gone for me. It’s also completely fine to have things you expect in a relationship but at the same time if he has a different view of what it means to “respect” the relationship it’s not necessarily wrong. I don’t have an issue w random girls who like my bf following him or vice-versa—as long as he’s not flirting w them I don’t have a problem w it. He’s hot! I’d have a crush on him too! And same with me. Most of my guy friends have had a crush on me at one point or another, it’s not that deep to us.

@Spain10 that's the thing, you don't need to trust the girl, you need to trust your boyfriend. In a relationship that's truly built on trust and security you wouldn't need to ask your boyfriend to block a girl he used to be interested in. What exactly does that accomplish, anyway? He can always unblock her, create a different profile, or any number of other ways to contact her. So ultimately you'll constantly have to be checking your boyfriend's phone to ensure he's not talking to her. Things like asking our partners to block/unfollow people or checking their phones gives us an illusion of control, like we can stop them from leaving or betraying us through all these little invasive actions. But ultimately it is an illusion. If our partner really wants to cheat on us we can't stop that from happening. These little "ressurances" like showing us their phone don't actually do anything to address the root of our insecurities. Your efforts will be much better spent building trust and security with your partner than trying to monitor their phone.

I also think you could benefit from therapy if your struggling to trust. But you can’t stay with someone you can’t trust. Either work on yourself and get better or it won’t work out.

@aurielle wow I never thought of it that way your reply gave me shivers Thank you 🫶🏻