is it normal for men to watch porn while in a relationship? my boyfriend does it and it really hurts me but he won’t stop

also it’s not like he needs to because i’ve offered solutions like taking videos together and whatnot but that doesn’t seem to be enough for him and i’m not sure what to do

Yes it is normal. You can express your discomfort around it and talk to him but it is his choice to make whether he keeps watching or not. But then it is up to you whether you can accept that or if it is a deal breaker for you.

I think watching porn is actually a pretty disrespectful action to ur partner. He’s definitely a porn addict if you are offering ur own stuff for him to use and still decides to watch porn. If you have already talked to him about how you feel then he is breaking a boundary and purposely hurting you. I personally wouldn’t be with someone who chooses to use porn over my personal stuff especially if I have spoke about how I feel about it. If he doesn’t stop then you might be better off finding someone else who does understand because it’s not fair to you to deal with that.

^wanting to watch porn and not just videos of your partner absolutely does not make you a porn addict. They are not the same thing. I watch porn while in a relationship and so does my partner, and there is a respectful and healthy way to do so. Porn is a fantasy and it's not a threat to my relationship nor does it mean my boyfriend isn't attracted to me or something.

What is it about him watching porn that bothers you? I think you need to figure that out first. Is it your own insecurities or something else? Do you masturbate in your free time?

I personally have zero interest in watching a sex video of my boyfriend and I and it’s not because I’m not attracted to him. Watching porn is a way for me to explore some fantasies I might not or do not want to try in real life. It’s not cheating and it’s not disrespectful as long as it’s ethical porn. @angel420 That’s not how boundaries work, they’re meant to be used for ourselves. If my boyfriend told me I wasn’t allowed to watch porn, I’d probably want to break up because I do not want to be controlled. @fairue Maybe give it a go at watching it together, it’s a great way to get in the mood and perhaps try new things.

Yes it’s normal and it would be normal if you also watched porn, there’s nothing wrong with it. Only thing that I would be uncomfortable with is if he was watching / interacting with a live person

Watching porn is normal.

personally i see it as cheating and it does hurt my feelings. i’ve talked about it with my boyfriend and he understood how i felt

yes its normal, watching porn, and even masturbating in a relationship is normal. as long as it is ethical and not an addiction

@Angel420 not wanting to film sex tapes and watching it instead of watching porn does not make someone a porn addict.. are you kidding😂 First of all, SO many people would not want to film a sex tape or see themselves having sex and that is completely okay. you can not like porn and if you want to find a partner that doesn’t watch it then that is fine, but dont go saying stuff like that.

@Angel420 Never said you couldnt have different opinions, hence why i said if you want to find a partner that doesnt watch porn then do it. but you’re out here telling people their partners are porn addicts just for watching porn

@gREEnwitch I don’t think you know what a porn addict is? They literally choose porn over their partner, that includes when ur partner is offering to send pictures to use to masturbate with. If he is choosing to still use porn instead then he IS a porn addict.

@Angel420 I don’t think you know what a porn addict is lol that is not a porn addict. A porn addict is someone who has an emotional dependence to porn that interferes with daily life, their relationships, and their ability to function. And they will engage in risky behaviors to consume porn, like watching it at work. Someone who watches porn isn’t automatically a porn addict and it’s really harmful to just throw the word addict around.

You can dislike that your partner watches porn but at the end of the day they are an adult and they can do what they want. You either have to decide if being with someone who watches porn is a dealbreaker or not but you can’t dictate what your partner does or doesn’t do. That’s controlling and toxic. I’d advise that instead you self reflect on why your partner watching porn bothers you and get down to the root of that. Usually it stems from feeling insecure or inadequate and not from the porn itself. Working on increasing your self esteem and talking through your insecurities is so much healthier than trying to lord and master over your partner.

Calling someone insecure for not wanting their bf to watch porn is kinda rude tbh. I understand what you mean by she can decide if its a deal breaker and choose if she wants to be with someone that doesn’t watch porn, but Its called having standards. Not wanting ur bf to watch porn doesn’t make you insecure. Some girls just aren’t comfortable with their man getting off to watching girls having s*x and find it disrespectful to them. I think ur man should be understanding about it and see ur point of view if you aren’t comfortable with it. My bf doesn’t think I’m controlling or toxic because I don’t want him to watch porn and Im also not insecure at all it’s just my standards and I think it’s overall disrespectful.

@Angel420 that’s fine, that what you can believe but it’s harmful to call anyone who watches porn an addict and it’s just factually incorrect. What you do in your relationship is your business.

And dictating what your partner can and can’t do, even if they agree to it, is controlling and toxic. That is also factual.

A boundary is something you set on yourself, not on another person. For example, “I will not be in a relationship with someone who watches porn” and then leaving if they do. Not, “I don’t want you to watch porn because I don’t like it for xyz reason”. Another example of a boundary is “don’t watch porn in my presence” but being controlling is “you can’t watch porn even if you’re alone”.

I had the same issue in my last relationship. I understood to an extent which I respected but, it was constant which I did speaks to him about how I felt about it etc. It was one of his addictions which he wouldn’t control properly even though discussing it there wasn’t anything wrong. If it’s something he uses here and there acceptable but if you know it’s constant would say have a chat about it.