I feel so alone, and I am so alone. Trigger warning: mental health, relationship issues, emotional distress, loneliness. I have literally no friends. I have a boyfriend, but I don’t really feel love for him. I can’t bring myself to love him, and that makes me feel really bad. I hate myself for feeling this way. He hasn’t always been faithful. He told me about a girl he was texting when we weren’t as serious as we are now, and she is someone I know. He told me a bit about what they talked about, and I didn’t really care at the time because I didn’t love him deeply then. Yesterday, she started sending me pictures and messages, and I replied. She told me to call her when I was alone, so I did. When I called her, I heard a similar but also different version of the story. I got really annoyed at him. I was very emotional yesterday and cried many times in front of him because I met old teachers I hadn’t seen in years. It was emotional for me. This was the first time I’ve ever cried in front of a boy, and I felt embarrassed. When we got back to the car, I told him that I know he was the one who asked her for her Snapchat and that he had lied. He apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. I told him it was fine, but that I would just make it “one for one” (meaning I would talk to another man). He got angry and didn’t speak to me for about two hours on the way back. When he finally started talking again, he said he didn’t like what I said, and that even though he knows he was wrong, I shouldn’t do something wrong too. He said that one wrong doesn’t make two rights. I looked at him and said I wouldn’t talk to anyone else, but that if I ever found out he did something similar again, I would never speak to him again. I also told him he needs to remember that I have options and he is not the only one. He was silent for a few minutes, then I asked him if he didn’t like what I said. He said no, actually the opposite, he liked it. Then he apologized and hugged me, but when he hugged me I just felt hate. I know that’s wrong, but that’s how I felt. I also feel overwhelmed because tomorrow our parents are going to meet for the first time. They have never met a boyfriend before because I come from a very religious family, so this is a very big deal. I feel like I want to throw up and I really don’t want them to meet. I wish I had a friend to talk to about all of this, but I am extremely alone. I am a social person but i just can never bring me self to trust anyone. I have been crying all day and I haven’t eaten in two days. I also started my ADHD medication yesterday, which might be affecting how I feel too. I want to move out as soon as possible, but I don’t have enough money. I only make around 200–300 dollars a month, which is nowhere near enough for an apartment. My parents are not good parents, and I just want to get away from here. I feel like school is going badly and that I don’t really have a future. I don’t know what to do with myself or where to go. I just feel like giving up. I am 17, turning 18 in a few months, so I will be able to move out soon. I just needed to write this down because I have no one else to tell. Maybe strangers can help me understand what to do next how to save money, how to make friends idk just needed to talk or write it down.🌸

Have you ever looked into getting professional help? It sounds like you are really struggling and it sounds similar to signs of depression

@aurielle no I been offered help many times, but i don’t want to get help, i hate talking about how i feel in front of strangers. But thanks💕

But aren’t you coming on here to talk to and open up to strangers?? Just wanting to show you you can do it! You are already doing it. It definitely sounds like you could use someone to talk to and help you through it. That’s what the professionals are there for. They are meant to help you work through your feelings and emotions. If you don’t want to get help you’ll just continue struggling on your own sis. It may be scary to think about how hard it could be. But it sounds like life is already really hard. So 🤷🏽‍♀️ it’s like have you ever heard pick your struggle? I’ve heard it referenced a lot with the body. Struggle and work out your body when you’re young and you won’t struggle when you’re older. But don’t struggle with being active physically when you’re young and oooo buddy are in you for a struggle when you’re older. That helped me on trying to make changes now instead of later and be worse off. All we can do is try. We’re all just trying our best with what we’ve got. I hope you can stick to what you really want and do stuff that makes you happy.

I agree with the others that you should seek out help. Everything you want to achieve or are struggling with are things professionals can help you with. Postponing it will only make things worse. Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like or are uncomfortable with (like talking to strangers) to achieve things long term.

@Yi_eune thanks alot, I really appreciate you commenting. I think I will be seeking help soon.

@stinaaa this made me very emotional, I’m so thankful for your comment I will be seeking help soon🌸

Of course. 🫶🏽 you got this hun. I’m sorry life is hard right now. But all we can really do it keep going and try to find our way through it. Good luck x