Hello! I’m dating someone I knew from highschool and we’ve been dating for 1 month and a half and everything has been going well but when we talk about commitment he wants the same things as I but wants to date for 3 months before committing. This makes me anxious bc I’m scared he’ll turn around and decide that he’s not moving forward with me even though he does reassure me that he really likes me and is moving in the right direction. Im actually meeting his mom this weekend and we are going on a cruise for his birthday next month. I’m just thinking negative and not relaxing and getting to know him and just letting go and letting it evolve naturally. I’m scared of getting hurt

I think your need for him to commit so quickly is coming from an anxious attachment style. It's normal to be scared of getting hurt but you need to have enough security within yourself to know that you'll be okay if things don't work out. It's good that you can identify your negative thoughts and how they're holding you back from enjoying letting the relationship unfold. Have you ever considered speaking to a therapist about this? It's also important to remember that rushing into a commitment doesn't guarantee relationship security down the road; if anything, taking your time to get to know each other and figure out compatibility first will set you up for a longer-lasting relationship.

Yes I think he’s doing the mature way of doing things and I do have anxious attachment style. I have worked with a therapist but I still feel like I haven’t been able to think positively when dating. I’m always scared of getting hurt in dating and always need the commitment to feel safe. It’s quite annoying actually. I want to enjoy myself without attaching to the future outcome.

A month in a half is barely any time to know someone! I think he’s right in wanting to take it slow, get to know each other, and see if you guys are compatible. My bf and I dated for 5 months before making it official. I think you have to remind yourself that things will happen regardless of that commitment. I agree with @aurielle. Take this time to enjoy this, try to be in the moment, and try not to set your expectations too high.

Ok thank you!! I will do that 💓

So with this person I messed up and asked him yesterday if he was ok bc I hardly heard from him during the day and he got upset and said that he needs someone confident and does not want to give reassurance all the time and then he relaxed and said we would turn the page but today I texted him have a great day and he said the same but then disappeared for the rest of the day and night and I don’t think he’s calling me today. What should I do?

How often are you checking in on him? Are you asking him if he’s okay or if you guys are okay?

Sometimes I do he says it’s once a week

I feel so anxious

I think you need to take a step back and really work on your anxious attachment. You’re not dating this man officially and you’ve only been seeing each other for a month. I think he’s entitled to maybe feel a little smothered. It’s totally okay for you to need someone who will reassure you more often BUT you need to find someone who is willing and able to do that.

Think about what the worst case scenario is here. What would that be for you?

I backed off today but he hasn’t tried and I was supposed to meet his mom on Saturday and I feel like he’s ghosting me

Give him some space and let him reach out to you.

What if he doesn’t call me tomorrow?

So he wrote to me confirming tomorrow’s dinner and I said yes but I still feel like he’s being weird or should I just drop it and see how it is with his mom?

I’m used to him calling and he’s just a little more distant

I think you should drop it for now. I think it’s understandable that he’s being a bit more distant but I do think this is a conversation you’re going to have to have if you are expecting longevity for this relationship. Maybe have a conversation about what your expectations are for this relationship and what sort of boundaries you guys want to implement. Maybe for him, checking in on him often is too much. Have a conversation about why checking in is important for you and if he’s willing to compromise on this. But I do think you need to work on this anxious attachment because things aren’t certain in life and sometimes you have to roll with the punches and it’s not good for you, mentally or emotionally, to be in a constant state of anxiety over it.

Yes I agree! You have helped me so much with this. I think for now I can let him come around and see if we get back to how things were and just let it happen naturally.

Yes! Hopefully everything settles soon and this was just a small bump in the road for you two!

Thank you!! I mean I didn’t expect for us to still be on for tomorrow so that’s good news

Hi! I need advice again bc I don’t want to jump to conclusions but last weekend he couldn’t go to a party with me bc his A/C broke and I trusted that and we spoke at night before he went to sleep and the next day he wanted to see me and I couldn’t and it’s been hard to get together this week and yesterday was Friday and I was going over to watch a movie but I was taking long at a friends house setting up for a bridal shower so he called me and said that he was getting tired that for us to see each other the next day on Saturday. I saw he left his house and he said he was getting ice cream at McDonald’s and I mentioned I hope he’s not lying and he said that he wasn’t and he really wants me to trust him and his word and that he really is just tired but after we got off the phone he went home and I asked what he was up to and he sent me a photo in his couch and then later he fell asleep without saying goodnight which is fine but I started thinking about it that why didn’t he go through the drive through? lol I feel crazy 😞. Should I mention it when I see him or just give him the benefit of the doubt

@Candy1212 I think you’re really overthinking and honestly, I think you’re going to push him away if you keep acting this way. Unless he’s done something to break your trust then it’s totally unfair for you to constantly be questioning his every move and text. And if he did break your trust then why would you stay with him? This is a brand new relationship and you’re treating it like it’s a live bomb that’s going to explode at any time.

Yes thank you! I feel bad bc It is new and I’m looking at everything bad and idk why. I just felt bad yesterday that he hasn’t seen me since Tuesday and was tired but we are supposed to see each other today and hopefully we can have a nice time and I don’t ask things that are unnecessary

Since last Tuesday bc things have happened