Tw: abortion laws Hello all. I’m kind of just wanting to vent and get validation and feedback to where I’m not the only one who feels this way? But I haven’t met anyone who has been able to relate to this exactly. So when roe vs wade got overturned in 2022 I was in mx, and I cried. I didn’t feel free in my country. I didn’t feel safe. I even remember thinking it would change how I dated. Well here we are 2024 and I jumped back into dating. Very excited after not dating for 2 years. And it’s been, so different. I use to have loads of one night stands in 2019. Now I couldn’t even think about letting some guy up in me just like that. I feel I now need more. I feel more cautious and protective of myself/vagina? Like I ain’t about to give it up to some rando when if ANYTHING were to happen, I’d be in a bad dilema. And I feel I’d feel stuck, not supported, uncared for, alone, afraid, devastated, etc. I’ve met 2 men that I liked so far. 3 dates it took me to sleep with them. And both never texted me after that. With one of them we actually spoke about roe vs wade and I gave them all my views. And they said they were pro life and asked if that was okay with me. I was kinda like hmm about it but was also like I still don’t know him and just because people have diff views doesn’t mean they can’t continue? Right anyways, well that night we had sex. And boo, ghosted. I feel disappointed. Cause the cherry on top was that I was having an outbreak of genital herpes (both of them knew) BOTH times I was dating these guys and wanted to have sex. But didn’t initially because of my outbreak. And somehow, in the middle of everything they wanted sex and I didn’t think twice about it. I gave in and was like hell yeah I want sex too let’s do it. BOTH times neither of them went down on me cause I was afraid of passing it to them. That was on me I wouldn’t let them. But both times I gave them a blow job and we had sex. I look back and I’m dumb folded. Like seriously? You let some mfs convince you to have sex when you didn’t want to because you had an outbreak and they never even went down on you blah blah blah. And I just, im sad. Sad that I’m letting them get to me and not standing up for what I want. But again it’s all in the moment and in the moment I want it too. But I’m left feeling alone, and disregarded. It’s just so different for me now and it’s difficult to adjust to this new me. I feel like I’m right, they don’t give a fuck. This is why I have been so on guard. With this last guy when I realized I was ghosted I cried all day! Not necessarily for him, but I just felt so emotional and still do. Like I’m even nervous writing about it here. Scared I’m the only one who feels this way. But I know I’m not. I’m not the only woman who got her rights taken away. Again I’m disappointed in myself. Sad for myself and women. Devastated. I feel like I’m not enough. It seems I’m looking for something more consistent now, which is different for me. I had never looked for consistency, but now that I’m realizing I want that it’s been nothing but disappointment from the people I’m dating. Now I want someone who actually gives a FUCK. And these men out here in this city are all trash, which doesn’t help. It’s just changes happened within me I wasn’t aware of till I started dating again. And I’m just growing through it I guess. Can anyone relate?

It’s been hard for me to put into words what I’m feeling. But I think I’m grieving losing my rights all over again. Now that I’m actually dating and in an environment where that is very apparent to me that I cannot have an abortion if I wanted to. It’s scary to be in…

It sounds like your standards have changed now that you're dating and not just looking for casual sex, so now you want a different level of commitment and respect and that totally makes sense. I felt the same way when I shifted from just wanting casual hookups to interest in a more serious relationship. And definitely, sometimes I think back to old hookups and I'm like I can't believe I tolerated that and I wouldn't today. That just shows personal growth! Your expectations and needs are allowed to evolve. With these guys you have been dating recently, did you talk to them about expectations and what you're looking for before you have sex?

As far as the abortion laws issue, it's also very understandable to be scared and uncertain. I am super glad I moved from a state where abortion is basically banned to one where it's allowed. What are the laws where you live? Another thing you can do to give yourself more peace of mind is order Plan B to have on had in case of birth control errors. In most places it is also still legal to order an abortion pill by mail. These measures could help you feel more protected and in control.

^ I agree on the above. I used to feel the same way, and now looking back I’m so disgusted with the way some guys treated me, and now they repulse me. I’ve grown alot within the past year about the subjects you mentioned! My advice is to just be clear about your expectations upfront, and it will help weed out the good from the bad

@aurielle thanks for replying. 💕 No I didn’t talk to them about my expectations. Again I still feel like I’m going through the whole ‘what do I want this time around’ while dating. And im realizing it’s something different for sure. I live in Texas 😪 I DEFINITELY want to move to a state where it’s legal. I think that would give me more peace of mind. But for now im here. I will look into ordering plan b. Thanks aurielle!

@Xoxoaeb22 thanks for the reply and advice :) I will work on my communication on what I’m looking for.