Am I overreacting? I was talking with my bf the other day and the showed me photos of an of model (only a photo model) that he thought was hot. I don’t have any problem with him looking at of girls as we’re pretty open with that in our relationship on both sides. The thing is, when I asked him if she could live from her income he said yeah probably and I was jokingly saying „wow, I wish I could do that as well“ and he said „well you know that you need to be very very very pretty in order to do so and have a very very good body“ He didn’t say any more and I didn’t as well but in retrospect it kinda hurt but I don’t knowing I’m overreacting by being sad and confused about that statement or not 🥲

you definitely aren’t overreacting, I would not continue to be with someone who said that regarding having to be very pretty and have a very good body. i would be want to be with someone who said, you can babe! or something like that

I also agree with the comment above me

I wouldn't particularly like my boyfriend speaking about women in that way because I think we know what "very very good body" probably means (I'm guessing skinny with big boobs or something along those lines) and I'm not into guys who subscribe to unrealistic beauty standards. Also, that's factually not true because all kinds of women with different body types make a living from their bodies. That said, you also kind of subscribed to that belief that you're not as "pretty/hot" as those models by saying "I wish I could do that," before your boyfriend even said anything! So maybe working on your own confidence is something to consider in this situation. I understand why these comments make you upset because he's evaluating you on some kind of "objective" standard of attractiveness and saying those women rank higher than you but how "pretty" someone is is totally subjective! And your partner should think that you are super attractive.

well I have to admit that in the almost 2 years of being together he basically never told me that he thinks I’m pretty so maybe it’s just not his opinion on me

I’m almost 2 years he’s never said you are pretty? Definitely not over reacting and I think you know what you need to do.

@kw11 no, but he’s also not that much into spoken words and compliments, he prefers showing love through physical touch. From time to time I would really enjoy him saying that he thinks I’m pretty but if that’s not his way of expressing love I think I have to accept that

You’ve been together and he has not complimented you? You deserve so much better. Don’t settle for him. My ex was like this and I was so much happier without him and my new partner actually makes me feel special and beautiful. Raise your standards, don’t lower them for someone who can’t be arsed to tell you that you look good. It doesn’t take effort to say those words.

I think the comments above are a bit overreacting by saying “you’re better off without him” or “I wouldn’t continue with him”. I think if it hurt you it’s best to talk to him about it. Maybe he didn’t even mean it in a bad way and he just doesn’t understand what can be a model. Nowadays anyone can be a model because they don’t just go for the really skinny perfect face look. If that’s his perspective on models maybe he meant to say that you aren’t THAT skinny. I think it’s bad to jump to conclusions saying that he might not find you attractive. Please just talk to him about it and maybe then jump to conclusions after he explained himself. That way can assure it doesn’t happen again in the future and you might feel better about it. Good luck ❤️

^ There’s no conclusions to jump to. The reality is he never compliments his girlfriend and when he’s given the chance to do so, he insults her by implying she could not be a model. Wether that’s true or not doesn’t matter, you do not tell your partner they don’t have a good body and aren’t super pretty. Maybe I’m biased cause my boyfriend compliments me daily and it makes me feel really nice. You deserve to feel that too, who cares if it isn’t his love language. People can make efforts to please their partner…

@UncrushableP it’s not like he never compliments me, sometimes he tells me I am a snack but he never truly said that he thinks I’m pretty or that I’m looking good in a certain style. The thing is, I told him that he hurt me, he said he was sorry and that I am attractive to him but I have to admit that I still felt sad and ugly and don’t know what he could do to bring things back to normal I’m currently feeling like I’m very much overreacting🫠

I don’t think anyone on the receiving end of a comment like that would be feeling good. Your feelings are valid. I would be hurt too.

@stinaaa but why do I feel like no matter what he does now, I still am hurt? He hasn’t done anything since apologising kinda a few hours ago and I don’t even know what I’m expecting

As said above I think your feelings are valid. I also think it’s normal to still be hurt even though he’s apologised and he can’t do anything more really. Words can hurt, what’s been said can’t be unsaid and even a genuine, sincere apology doesn’t always make things better. Give yourself some time to get over the initial hurt and see how you feel in a week or two before doing anything or making any decisions about anything. I’d suggest taking a day to yourself (take yourself out to lunch, get your hair/nails done or get a massage, get a tub of your fave ice cream and eat it all while watching your fave movie, treat yourself to something you’ve been thinking about getting yourself, whatever you wanna do) and also go meet a good friend for lunch or a coffee for a catch up. If you feel you need to maybe take a bit of space from your boyfriend, even for a day, you can say something like “I’ve got a lot of things on my mind rn, even though you’ve apologised and I accept your apology I’m still a bit hurt so I’m going to take some time to myself. I love you, I just need some time to process this so I’ll call you tomorrow/Tuesday (or however long you want) and we can talk then, I hope you understand”. Give yourself some time you may be able to get over this and move on. For me, i feel like a comment like that (even though I know it wasn’t said with bad intentions or anything) would really hurt me and put a big dent in my confidence. I feel like a partner is someone who you’re supposed to be fully trust, feel fully supported by and feel fully comfortable and confident being just your true vulnerable self with. And personally I think that hurtful comment would damage that aspect of my relationship with that person. And idk if I would be able to recover that. So I totally understand if you feel like that.

@bluerose9 thank you for your long paragraph and the effort of your answer, I really appreciate it. It’s always hard for me to tell if my feelings are valid or not. My bf hasn’t message me since he kinda apologized and left me on read, so I guess I won’t text him too soon. I’m also kinda mad at myself for being so vulnerable about the entire topic, but I don’t know how else I should feel. I might just go to her now and think about it and see if he decides to text me first. We have a short trip coming up on Wednesday and I hope we can clear the thing before we leave, since there are friends coming with us

@Angel420 I talked with a few friends and most of them told me that he probably just wasn’t thinking before he talked and that I shouldn’t make that big of a deal out of it :

@fuckyou00013 I don’t think you were making a big deal out of it at all! He said something hurtful that you had every right to be hurt by him saying, you communicated with him and shared how you felt, that’s not overreacting at all! You did the right thing by communicating, overreacting would be not communicating and acting angry with him and expecting him to read your mind. Hopefully you guys sorted it out!