I was seeing this guy in 2022 for about a year, got to ‘exclusive’ but not in a relationship (think he has commitment issues lol), would say I love you etc. That ended, then we started seeing each other again randomly and have been seeing each other randomly once every like 3 months. I guess we’re friends with benefits? We hang out, cuddle, have sex etc then just don’t speak for a while until one of us randomly messages again lol. I saw him on Saturday for a few hours and I really enjoyed our time together. I left his at like 10:45pm and had approx 45 min drive home. Am I expecting too much for him to check I got home safe afterwards? In my eyes that’s just the norm, even for just friends? I also accidentally left my charger at his (again, I did last time too accidentally) although he hasn’t texted to say I did or anything. Radio silence until one of us decides to try hang out again. I guess I’m expecting too much? I thought he actually cared about me but surely if you cared about someone you’d at least tell them they left their charger at yours idk. He’s said before he can’t do anything past casual due to how his life is ‘set up’ so I’m aware of that I just thought he might’ve cared about me a little bit at least lol. I just don’t get how it’s so different for him like I had a nice time and I often enjoy hanging out with him and I just don’t get how he can do that, cuddle etc and just get over it/ forget about it straight away? I defo cling on to connections, just wondering if how he’s acting is normal? Lol

I think it's a case of uncommunicated expectations. You've both kind of unspoken agreed to no expectations or at least extremely minimal and not owing each other anything so I don't think it's super crazy that he doesn't check if you've gotten home. Like yes it would be nice for him to do that but I wouldn't read super deeply into it. If you've established that you don't really talk in between meeting up then I think he's just maintaining that.

@aurielle so true, we haven’t really spoken about what we are just that we ‘can’t’ be more than casual due to how his life is ‘set up’ lol. So I guess not messaging unless he wants to meet is just how he wants to go about it. I just struggle to understand how someone can be like that when I’m all about connections and I just overthink like how can you act like that with someone and it not mean anything at all to you and you just don’t really think about them again. Ugh I wish I could be like that haha

I think you need to consider what you actually want and whether this set-up is making you feel good & working for you. If you feel hurt by him not feeling a connection with you then I’d probs end it. Fwb/casual thing can be tricky cause people have different ideas on what the ‘friends’ part is, there’s no correct answer tbh.

@Awg1 definitely. I don’t really know what I want, I think I just want someone to want me lol. I definitely cling on to any sort of connection with someone as I don’t want to be lonely. I am trying to work through this with my therapist. I do like him, he’s funny and we get on well. He’s also really attractive to me and I don’t often find guys that attractive lol. I’m just clinging on to him cus he’s attractive and we have a good time 🥲 idk how to let go of that atm

@_EmS I think just finding other ways to fulfill that desire for connection and eventually you won't need him to do that anymore. It's not wrong to just enjoy his company casually. But if you feel like you're leaning on it too much then definitely learning to enjoy your own company, spending time with friends, finding a sense of community, etc are all other ways to satisfy that need.

With stuff like this I like to ask myself..’do I still want to be in this exact same position in 3 years time?’ (aka being confused over a guys behaviour/how they feel, not feeling chosen, not having needs met etc.) that usually reminds me that I need to set boundaries and let go of unhealthy relationships. It’s hard when you kind of like someone/their companionship to stop holding out hope that they will change and be the person you need, but unfortunately life isn’t a movie, that’s extremely unlikely and you deserve better for yourself. I had a similar thing recently where I fell for someone after a very long time of wondering if I’m almost aromantic lol, it’s been hard to get over but I know that he couldn’t give me relationship or commitment I deserve. I’ve been seeing friends and family a lot, doing hobbies, putting myself out there with dating more, ticking off some little life goals, and that’s all helped. It’s good to allow yourself to be upset sometimes but I do find it’s easy to really dwell sitting on your own on a Friday evening. Also sounds odd but I wrote a list of his red flags or reasons he is not right for me in my notes to remind myself.