Views on what happened w my bf last night? Last night my boyfriend and I were having sex and he wanted to switch to me blowing him instead while he played a game on his phone. I don’t care about that, but instead he pulled out porn without telling me. Then when I asked him to show me what he was looking at he wouldn’t show me so I asked “are you watching porn?” He doesn’t lie to me so he told me the truth, he was. I felt weird and a bit inadequate, I don’t really enjoy when my partner watches porn but to each their own and I wouldn’t drag him for doing so, but on your own time. He continuously apologized and I sorta didn’t give him much response until a half hour or so later because I wasn’t sure how to feel but I know he felt terrible about doing it. I think the part that hurts the most is that it was premeditated and he stopped having sex with me to do this. I forgave him but I still just feel off, he says I have every right to feel the way I do it’s just crazy to me he would even do that.. do I just forget about it or would it be something that bothered you too?

This is flat out disgusting and disrespectful!!! this would definitely be something that would bother me!

I think it's important to have a conversation together about what you each want sex to look like and what you are and aren't comfortable with. Some people would be fine with watching porn during sex to help with arousal, but others wouldn't be and that's totally okay. If you wish sex to be more interactive between the two of you and reserve porn for private viewing, you should communicate that.

@aurielle we have communicated that I’m uncomfortable with it, and he knows for sure I am and said “I even know how you feel about it and still did it” he admitted to having a porn addiction when we first started dating and I truly think it was just him not thinking in the moment and old habits die hard, but thank you for your advice i appreciate your response. We had a conversation about it and he made me swear him that he wouldn’t do it again to me which I felt weird about because it should be his choice whether he does it again or not, but he still did it and I don’t get why he felt the need to, he felt extremely bad about it and started crying so I didn’t harass him about it in any way. Just clearly showed I was not ok with what he just did. He has a hard time getting off, and maybe I should just be more lenient with porn, it just stings a little and idk why.

@fairyxoxo if he watches so much porn that’s probably why he struggles to get off

@hellok1tty yes and I told him that, he isn’t a user of it much anymore during Covid he went crazy w it but I think it might’ve just stuck with him.

I have personally been with a porn addict and they will always go to their porn behind ur back and will act like they show remorse for what they do. If they continue to do it over and over especially after you talked about how you felt they are disrespecting you. I would recommend leaving this relationship since he clearly cant respect ur wishes unless he decides to get help you are going to be constantly disrespected.

@GhostFaceLov he’s been a lot better but he still has moments of weakness like anyone with an addiction, if he does it on his own time I have no problem with it unless it becomes excessive. I don’t particularly like the idea of him getting off to someone else but I know it’s not personal and it’s simply about arousal. It’s only been a month dating him and he’s genuinely such an amazing man and is deeply passionate about what we have. I don’t know if I should let that ruin it.

@fairyxoxo if he’s struggling with addiction he should probably see a professional. It’s not something you just get over and it seems integrated into his habits.

Has he ever talked to a professional and been diagnosed with an addiction? People throw around the term porn addiction a lot

No, and he’s young (18) so I feel like it’s just him being a horny teen boy too.

@Yi_eune I doubt he would ever be comfortable sharing his problems with a physician, but I agree with you. I just am unsure if it’s as bad as he says it was, obviously it’s enough to pull it out when I’m with him though.

personally i would feel extremely put off by the idea of having sex with him. to be actively having sex with someone and them rather switch to watching porn… i think you’re completely valid!!! if it happens again i wouldn’t be able to handle the disrespect and would have to leave the relationship.

I can’t even understand being in a sexual act with someone and them bringing out their phone. Like I would not be okay with that in and of itself.