Both people in the relationship need to put effort into their sex life. It sounds like that hasn't been the case and has become dull or boring/mundane. You both need to improve your communication about sex, and actually work to improve it. Make sex exciting again: try new acts, toys, lingerie, fulfilling each other's fantasies etc. And respect each other's boundaries. If he doesn't want to have sex right now or he doesn't feel comfortable for whatever reason : don't force it and communicate about it instead. Him not making you orgasm is a little selfish of him, but if he has strong boundaries about visible cum, then he needs to speak up and get to a compromise that works for both of you.