TW: Pregnancy/ Termination Hi everyone! I would love your input on a situation that I’m going through. I’ve recently found out that I’m about 3 weeks pregnant. It was very unexpected and me and my partner are still in denial I think. We are about to move to our new house that we bought, I’m starting a new job soon and we’re also on the process of changing my visa, all of it quite stressful. My new job will be quite demanding, long shifts, nights and challenging teenagers, my partner would not be able to support a family of 3 by himself and I’m just not sure if we’re ready for a baby now. I’m quite religious and my religion says that every baby comes when they need to come, but I also believe that a termination is a woman’s choice. I’m deeply torn about keeping it or not, I understand that it would be a difficult decision either way, but I just feel stuck in the middle right now. Any thoughts?

I believe babies are a blessing. There are people who did everything possible to prevent getting pregnant (guy had a vasectomy + wore a condom and they had an IUD in) but still fell pregnant. When a child needs to be brought into the world, they will find a way. Unfortunately, there’s never really going to be a ‘right time’ to have a baby, there’ll always be something happening. As humans you’d be surprised how resilient and adaptive we are when faced with a challenge. I might be biased as we were previously trying for almost 2 years and I never even got a positive pregnancy test. But, I’m a recently graduated foreign medical doctor who is writing medical exams to get my license to practice, whilst working full time and in debt. We live in a small 2 bedroom apartment where one of the rooms is a guest room/office for hubby who works from home. My husband is here on a work visa and won’t be entitled to a permanent visa for almost 2 years. Our situation isn’t the best and it could take 5-10 years or more before we’re ’stable’ but we’re still willing to give it a shot and take things a day at a time.

I feel like if you’re not ready to have a child right now it is best to terminate the pregnancy. Welcoming a child into the world when you’re unable to provide them with the life they deserve would be unfair.

I think if you have serious concerns about your ability to provide for a child the life you want to be able to give them right now, financially or otherwise, it’s probably best to seriously consider a termination. Termination is very very difficult decision, and I think there’s a lot of people who have made that decision who would have loved to have had that child, but for practical reasons felt it wasn’t the right time. Every child is a blessing I agree, but every child is still a blessing and is still a special and meaningful gift whether the child makes it earthside or not. You need to do what’s best for you and for the child ❤️

If it helps, a study showed that 95% of women who terminated the pregnancy felt it was the right decision five years later. In fact 84% reported feeling positively about their choice. The women who struggled the most with the decision were those who felt that abortion is stigmatized and were worried about judgment from their community (in other words it was the social stigma, not the abortion itself that caused these feelings.) I personally think that taking control of your life and making the decision to have a child when you want it and when you feel ready is more empowering than having chance dictate it. I also think that mothers and families struggle more when they don't have proper support systems, so think about things like whether your jobs support parental leave, whether you can afford birth and daycare, whether you have family that can help out, etc n

@Jenlov as a medical doctor, do you believe in a woman's right to choose?

@aurielle Of course. The horror stories from when abortion was illegal and the number of women who died or were abused as a result means that I can never be anything but pro-choice.

With every major decision, it’s best to make it when the dust has settled and you’ve got a level head. I know this is time sensitive but you can start by trying to make a pros and cons list. Go through the things that worry you and see if there are alternatives/ways around them. Do you have a support system/family/friends that could help support you and your partner if you chose to go ahead? Have you looked at other options like giving the child up for adoption?

Hello everyone! Thank you for your input! This is a very hard decision for us, so we think we might get more information on the abortion first, so we’re aware of everything and then making a pros and cons list and take it from there. Putting the baby up for adoption is not an option for us, as I’ve worked with children that are put in the system and I would not wish that to any child. My family lives in a different country, so that wouldn’t be around much. However I’m very close to my partner’s family and they are very supportive dearly loved. I want to make the right choice for everyone involved, I just need to figure out which one is it. My hart says keep it, but my brain says not to, I don’t know what to listen to right now! Thank you so much for all of your advice, it has been greatly appreciated!!

I personally disagree with the ‘every child is a blessing’ thing, I know too many people that grew up in unstable homes and are struggling now as adults because of it. Of course no one feels completely ready for a child, but I think if you already know you cannot financially support a child & will really struggle to manage parenthood (with a stressful & time consuming job) it’s better not to continue the pregnancy & to have a child once your lives are more stable. Having a baby is very intense & puts a huge strain on your relationship and mental health, it shouldn’t be taken lightly. Of course the decision is yours though. My close family member went through similar & didn’t keep the baby, 4 years on they’re now very happy with a 1 year old that was planned & came when they were ready.