topic: ending a long term relationship hello! I am needing some advice or tips or support i dont really know😩. My boyfriend and I have been together since senior year of high school in 2017. we have been through temporary “long distance” during college (only like 2.5 hours so not reaally long distance but still). we have been through a lot of different things together, good and bad. we moved in together a little over a year ago. i thought that living together would be great for our relationship. it was wonderful at first and then wasnt. i have been really unhappy for probably 6 months. but genuinely i feel like i have been unhappy and not fully content in the relationship for a long time. i tried to convince myself that i was, but really wasnt. i talked to him multiple times about my concerns and why im unhappy and nothing changes. and looking back at our relationship as a whole, theres a lot i dont even remember but what i do remember is that all of this isnt really new. it’s just extra noticeable living together. i know in my gut that we aren’t good together and i cant change him. we are really different and honestly don’t have a whole lot in common. he doesn’t take me on dates, hasnt for several years (unless i bring it up and then he takes me on literally one date and then goes back to the way it is). i love him and care for him but i feel so lonely and not seen in this relationship. i know for myself and for him that i should end it but i feel like it will destroy me. he is all i know and it has been 8 years together. but i know i deserve someone who gives me their all and actually listens and changes for me. i thought about therapy but honestly it would be something id “make” him do. he never seemed enthusiastic or wanting to try therapy. but i dont even know if it would help, because like i said we aren’t just different people. I just wonder if we have been together only because its been so long and its what we know, but not being fully happy. I have such mixed feelings about ending things, im so scared. im scared i wont find anyone and im scared ill regret it but then i think, no, someone out there will treat me the way i deserve. has anyone gone through this, leaving a very long relationship?

I ended my first relationship after being together 5 years and yes, it was scary. It's more so that you have to learn who you are without this person in your life. But I looked at it as an opportunity. It sounds dramatic but its basically a rebirth. It's a chance to (re)discover yourself and it can be a really beautiful journey of self-love and building your relationship with yourself. I would look at it that way rather than focusing on finding someone else who's "better." The truth is whether or not you find someone else in the future, you're going to be fine. Since you've been together since you were basically children, you don't really know who you are as an independent adult without him. I think it's really important to find that out. It's very brave that you're considering this step and realizing that sometimes relationships come to a natural end.

@aurielle thank you so much for your input! it definitely feels like i am ready for a rebirth and rediscovery of myself. i know a lot of who i am and what i want to do, and I definitely feel held back in this relationship. it is so hard just thinking about being together everyday and knowing whats going on in his life to eventually becoming strangers and not knowing a thing about eachother. it is grieving a person who is still alive🙁

@greenwitch that last sentence resonates with me so much with break ups, it’s so difficult. Make sure you have a good support system and throw yourself into every fun and exciting opportunity that comes your way. You will grow so much and this will truly be a beautiful chapter of your life. ❤️

I ended my 7 year relationship two years ago and I felt the exact same way you did. (Although he did cheat on me) so of course I broke up with him. I was scared because he was all I knew for 7 years. He never took me on dates. Never did anything special for me. Nothing. Now 2 years later it was the best decision of my life. I’m so much happier without him. I’ve learned who I am without him and it’s the best feeling. Trust your gut. It’s never wrong!! You will be okay

i don’t have anything too insightful to say, but just want to agree with the others in this thread. trust your gut, do what brings you peace and i know you’ll be okay!!

Agree with above yes it’s so scary but you definitely will not regret choosing yourself and putting your happiness first. It sounds like a part of you has already accepted this is the decision that is best for you long term, and you’ve already begun processing some of the emotions that come with that. So you’re already in the process of making it happen in my opinion. You are going to be totally fine x

Thank you all so much for your input and support, it means a lot!

update: we broke up and i am so glad we did!

that’s wonderful news! i’m happy you’re happy

@greenwitch well done ❤️ it’s so hard to do but you have to put yourself and your happiness first