Hi, I think I need some advice/opinions like if I’m doing anything wrong or what should I do… So I’ve been single a while now, I met a guy online 5 months ago, we talk everyday on the phone but have not met in person yet as he lives in another country (he is legit I’m sure). He’s planning to meet me in the next few months. He has fallen in love with me and I have also developed a lot of feelings for him. I worry that my friends and family won’t approve of him though (quite likely because of my past). I recently met a new guy (in person), we’ve been on a few dates and yesterday had a first kiss. I don’t know how I feel about him yet, but I do know that everyone would approve of him. I’m also pretty sure he likes me (more than I like him at the moment). I feel like I need to make a choice soon. I wouldn’t know what to do as my heart says the online guy but logically I don’t know if it could work in reality which makes me sad. When do I tell the online guy about this new person? How do I keep things respectful? I don’t want to lose him when I truly care about him. My heads a bit of a mess with it all so sorry if it’s confusing, thanks guys xx

Follow your heart! But you need to consider that when living in another country you may want to bring up your plans for the future because one of you will eventually have to move if you want to build something. If that’s not something either of you if open to then it might be best to cut it off.

^^ very good point I think you’re focusing a lot on what you think your family/friends will ‘approve’ or ‘disapprove’ of. You’re the one who’s actually going to be dating and potentially building a life with someone, not them. Your opinion on who you’re dating is WAY more important than theirs. If you make your life decisions based on what you think others will think, you’re never going to be happy. Forget about what you think your family may or may not think, and think about what *you* want in a partner, if your values and morals align, if your personalities are going to be compatible, if you think they are a good person, if they have things in common with you etc etc I personally don’t think I could properly make this decision without having met the first guy irl. Is there a reason on why you need to make a decision soon? Even if you have been seeing the first guy for a while, it might feel a little wrong but you’re not doing anything wrong by talking to and dating other people until you’ve made a commitment to someone. I personally think someone declaring they have fallen in love with you very quickly and especially when you’re not even officially dating or anything is a red flag. Coming on veryyyy strong very soon.

Have you done a video call with the o nline guy? Did you guys talk about exclusivity?

@Yi_eune he is willing to move but not sure when and realistically who knows whether that would really happen (trust issues on my part there)

@bluerose9 I totally get what you mean by following what I think, but others opinions are definitely important to me, my last relationship was very bad and everyone tried to tell me and disapproved so that’s why I feel like I need their approval now. I feel like I should make a decision soon just to be fair and not hurt peoples feelings. But yes, an interesting point you make, he did say he loved me very quickly and it’s interesting to hear you say that could be a red flag…I do see that, I think it’s because of his own emotional baggage so that’s something to think about

@aurielle yes I have, I video call him everyday…I don’t know if that’s healthy but it has meant we’ve got very close which had complicated things naturally. We haven’t spoken about being exclusive, I’ve made it clear I wouldn’t do that until I meet in person. He understands I may meet someone else even if he would feel sad by that, he would understand. We have said we love each other though and I wonder if I’ve said this too early now.

I’ve spoken to my mum about the online and in person guy. She doesn’t like the idea of the online guy at all and disapproves and doesn’t think I should pursue that. On the other hand, she loves the new guy I’ve met in person.

Talking and liking one guy but kissing another ? Yikes our generation has failed

@Barbiegirl72 I’m pretty sure people have been doing that for decades, my great aunt was for sure in the 1940s but okay lol

@Lucinda totally understand wanting and listening to other people’s opinions on your partner and relationship, but you also need to form your own opinions and make your own decisions. Letting other people’s opinions in to your life too much is also harmful. Is there any particular reason why your mum isn’t a fan of the online guy? And opinions can change, maybe she if she actually met these people and got to know them or you were actually in a relationship with them she’d have different opinions. I think you’re putting too much pressure on yourself to make a decision. Saying you love the first guy is a big step tbh I understand why that’s kind of put an extra layer of pressure on you.

^ why does she disapprove? i think it’s important to follow your heart within reason, but trust your gut if something feels like a bad idea. if the people around you disapprove of a guy because of shallow reasons, that’s a very different situation than disapproving because they think he might disrespect or hurt you.

@Barbiegirl72 they explicitly said they're not exclusive and he knows she might see other people.