I need some big sister advice or an outsiders opinion. My ex of 2 years broke up with me back in February. At the time I asked him multiple times if that’s what he wanted and he was adamant. In April he messaged me and had told me he regretted it and was basically messaging me to see if there was any chance of getting back together. I was still very hurt and he had asked for a chance to show me over time how much he’s grown/growing and that he’s trying to improve to win me back. He messaged again at the end of April and then again at the beginning of June. I had spoken with him and found out what he had been up to whilst ‘working on himself to win me back’. In mid May He had gone on a few dates and kinda slept with someone (I say kinda because apparently he was drunk and stopped midway and cried because he still loved me) he had been on tinder too and his excuse for it was that he wasn’t taking it seriously yet he was being sexual over the phone with a few girls. He has asked me again for a chance to show me how he is changing and growing but I can’t look past that, I haven’t been on any apps, dates etc and I was waiting for him to show me how he’s changed. His argument is that he went on the dates to get over me and that he thought I wasn’t giving him a chance to show me his growth. I just wanted to know if anyone’s been in a similar position or something because I’m not sure what to do about it. He was my best friend and I did wait for him but I don’t know how to feel about what he’s done.

I don’t think he did anything wrong by what he did. You guys weren’t together. If you can’t look past him dating and messing around when he was single maybe you should just drop it and move on. If you decide to get back together set a boundary for yourself that it will be his last chance, don’t be played around with.

@Yi_eune I don’t believe it was wrong he was single he could do what he wanted. It’s only the fact that he had made it seem like he was truly working on himself and that once he heard that I hadn’t done what he was he wanted me to himself only and only then realised that it could be hurtful.

@Poshtoe but how would it be hurtful if both of you were single? You were free to do whatever and experiment. If you don’t want to get back together because he was doing that, that’s fine and nobody will judge you for it but then you need to tell him to move on. What is this growth he keeps mentioning anyway? What has he actually done to improve himself since February.

If you don’t want to get back with him then don’t. It’s okay to be still hurt by his actions. Do you even want to get back with him? Forget about him and what he has or hasn’t done, do you actually want to be in a relationship with him again? Do you think you could fully get over what happened in the past and move on? Like it’s okay to not want to get back with him, you don’t even need a reason to justify why.

It's clear that your ex has made some choices that have hurt you and broken your trust. It's also understandable that you may be feeling conflicted because he was your best friend and you have a history together. However, it's important to remember that you deserve to be with someone who respects you and your feelings. It's okay to take your time to process your emotions and decide what is best for you. Trust your instincts and listen to your own needs. If you feel that you cannot look past what has happened and that you are not ready to give him another chance, that is completely valid. It may be helpful to talk to someone you trust, such as a close friend or family member, to get their perspective and support. Remember to prioritize your own well-being and do what feels right for you.

Not wanting to get back together with him for any reason is 100% valid. Yes he was single and free to do what he wanted and didn’t do anything wrong, but it’s completely valid to be hurt by him using the couple months you were apart to date and see other people. You need to decide if it’s a dealbreaker for you or not, and if you get back together, then it can’t be something you hold against him in the future. Personally if my boyfriend did that I’d feel like he broke up with me to go have some single fun for a month or two with the expectation I’d be sitting there waiting for him to come back as a backup when he got bored of it, especially since it doesn’t sound like he was upfront about it at first. It wouldn’t be something I could move past. And you’re not wrong if that’s how you feel. But if it isn’t a dealbreaker for you and you think you can move on from that and start the relationship with a clean slate then that’s valid too!