Quick question because I’m unsure what to do A couple of weeks ago my boyfriend stayed over at mine and when he arrived, straight from work he just said he was going for a shower and went for one, which my mum later told me she thought was rude as he didn’t ask and it’s not his house. I mentioned this to him as he deserved to know. However today he was at mine again and whilst I was at work he text me asking if he could use my Netflix on the family computer and I said yes, and gave him the password. Once he had watched a film he decided to use the time he had to design a practice design for a leaflet for his business, he didn’t print it or anything was just designing ideas. How he has gone home my mum has told me that she thinks this was rude and weird as it’s not his computer and despite me giving him the log in for the computer to watch Netflix she says it’s strange especially how he designed a leaflet on our computer. So my question is do I mention it to him or not? I know he already overthinks that he annoys my family or that they don’t like him which he has no reason to think

I think you should mention it to him

@BabyBarbaraB even after how much he overthought the last things my mum said? Do you not think it’s strange of my mum to even find this particular thing rude or weird?

It sounds like he’s not really welcome at your house. I think your mom doesn’t like him being there.

@aurielle she said he likes him though, and I’d know if she doesn’t she just seems to find weird things rude tbh

My mum wouldn't have an issue with either of those things, and if she did Id definitely feel like she thought he wasn't welcome in the house.

I do find your moms behavior weird but maybe she just doesnt like other people using the things you have at home?

I think you should speak to your mum

@queenkoala yeah if he already had permission do use the computer I don’t get why it’s an issue he decided to do some work on there?

My mum is very strange anyway for example we have to ask permission before we eat food out of the fridge to make sure that it hasn’t been bought for a set purpose and other things like orange juice we can only have with breakfast and she gets wound up if we have it any other time of the day because its a waste she claims and then things like showers we have to have before 9pm because she goes to bed st that time and doesn’t want to potentially be woke up by the bath or shower running so she’s a bit strange when it comes to rules and stuff anyway

In that case I guess it’s fine and your boyfriend shouldn’t overthink about it. If you haven’t talked to your boyfriend about your moms rules then you definitely should and he could ask and/or let her know before using something so she doesn’t get upset.

@BabyBarbaraB the thing is nobody else was in today when he was at home hence why he text me, and then my dad came home later and saw him on the computer and mentioned it to my mum

Oh maybe have a talk with your mom about how you and your boyfriend feel about her behavior?

@BabyBarbaraB there’s no point she’s so stuck in her ways nothing will change I just don’t know whether it’s appropriate to tell him or not

In that case i guess there’s really no point in telling him either if that’s just how your mom is. Maybe just tall to your boyfriend about what your mom is like and let him know that it’s nothing against him?

@BabyBarbaraB she is very weird in general, like for example I bought some frozen chicken to use for my dinners and she went mad at me because i didnt ask her if I could buy it and put it in the freezer and how she would have said no if I had asked because its taking-up unnecessary room in the freezer

Hmmm how long have you been together? Maybe she feels he got too comfortable, too soon?? I’ve known my bf for almost 8 years dating for two and a half and I don’t have to ask to use his shower or vice versa. We’re both openly welcome to use the showers, Netflix, Apple Music, eat the food etc in each other’s homes. Was a boundary crossed maybe??

Sounds like your mother likes to and is used to micromanaging everything in your house. This is your mother’s issue imo, she seems to be expecting a request for permission every time to do anything in your house. If I put something in the freezer at home my mother probably wouldn’t notice for a few days and when she did she’d have probably just asked me if it was mine and that’s it. A freezer is meant to hold food to be frozen, if there’s room for it and you’re going to use the food, how is it taking up unnecessary space? I’d mention your boyfriend that she’s super sensitive about this but tbh it sounds like she just doesn’t really like him so she probably won’t be happy with anything he does in your house 🤷🏻‍♀️

@brebz4 we have been together for 8 months @bluerose9 and she does like him, she tells me she does and I would know for certain if she didn’t because my mum is not someone who can hide her feelings towards someone, so it’s not that she doesn’t like him

Your mom sounds controlling. If I were your bf I’d probably just stay away from your house because I wouldn’t know what small thing I did could set her off

I’d mention it to your boyfriend even though he has no fault. I cook, look after the dogs, go shopping, shower and my bf’s mum has never had a problem with it ad vice versa. Try talking to her as well, that’s not a healthy behaviour. If she keeps doing it, just try to avoid the things that upset her for your own peace of mind.

Yikes. At first I thought maybe she just don’t like him over there but then I read your comments. When someone comes over to my house I would want them to feel like they’re at home and not have to watch what they do.

Sounds more like your mom is the weird rude one tbh. He’s a guest in your home. Doesn’t seem like he’s overthinking that he annoys them if your mom does act annoyed by things he does. That’s just him seeing things for what they are. You might look at it like that’s just how she is but she says she likes him...but if she can’t act like it then that’s not a good feeling for him. If I were him I’d probably just stop going to your house not feeling welcomed. How old are you? If you’re out of HS I’d honestly look into moving out. That’s not healthy to have a mom that controlling

Like you mentioned earlier that your mom just wouldn’t change her mind then, I think you should just let your bf know how your mom is in general and that he has nothing to worry about. Also if it was me I probly wouldn’t ask him over anymore cos he might be uncomfortable doing anything at ur house anymore.

@Tiff10 I’m 20. I’m looking to move out in the next few years I’m saving for a deposit but it’s taking a while

He only comes every other weekend, and he needs to stay over because of the distance that we live it wouldn’t make sense to come and drive home, however growing up I was never allowed anyone to sleep over either so I suppose this in itself is a massive step for my mum, even though she makes him sleep on an air bed in the conservatory

Maybe just go to his house more? Maybe if you and him are not around she’ll start to realize how silly she’s being. I’d look into moving out with a roommate that way it’s cheaper. You really want to deal with that for years? It’s not normal or healthy to be that micromanaged. I have a friend in a LDR who stays at a hotel when he goes to visit his GF every other weekend because her family is super strange and strict about things. They were either gonna break up or do that as a last resort.

Why is he alone in your house ?

@santaclariita because he stayed over st the weekend and we were going for a meal on the Monday night but I had to go into work for a few hours so it made more sense for him to stay at mine rather than drive home then drive back x