Has anyone been in a relationship with a previous porn addict? So my LD bf of almost 2 years told me when we began dating that when he was younger he used to watch it a lot until he realized that it’s not good and had issues with his gf at the time. Ig later he got better with that and dated another girl whom he finally had sex with and had a relationship for a while. And then came me. Sex is good but I do notice he lasts too long for my liking sometimes and very few times he’s finished just by that. Most of the times he has to use his hand to finish. We’re long distance so we need to re-learn each other again every few months. I was also having some issues with libido I feel bc of the pill so now I have decided to stop taking it and go back to condoms and seeing if I also feel “better” about our sex life that way. But I can’t help but get a bit in my head sometimes about the fact I know his past and that for me also feels a bit weird and unfulfilling that he needs his hand or having sex with me it’s not enough for him… I am sort of having a convo with him about that soon but I’d like to know other people’s experience or suggestions. Thanks!

I think that you thinking you’re ’not enough’ or that there’s some kind of fault in you for him needing his hand etc is your insecurities talking and you should try to not take that so personally (not easy I know!). There’s a lot of factors to that and there’s a lot of things going on with him I definitely think you should express your feelings to him and talk this all out with him

I think it's important not to put too much pressure on finishing. Usually that makes it more difficult to do, the vicious cycle of thoughs like "omg they're waiting for me to cum, why is it taking so long, what's wrong with me etc" can affect the ability to do so. If it's taking a long time to reach that point, perhaps trying new things during sex can be incredibly helpful. For example: - toys!! There's so many to choose from! Both for individuals, and couples. Guys like vibrating toys too: such as a cock ring. Some are made with an extended vibrating "pad" that would give you pleasure too by touching your clit during intercourse. Or you can use your own lil vibrator and tease him by rubbing it against his tip etc. -erotic games can be an easy way to stretch out foreplay and explore each other's likes. Some have intimate question cards, or "truth or dare" type of activities or making you do certain things to each other. It can be a nice tool for opening up communication around sex. -roleplay: is there maybe a scene/fantasy that both of you would like to play out? It might be fun to dress up as a student/teacher/police/nurse/maid or anything else. A nice way to practice dirty talk too! Also when it comes to you guys having sex: are one of you more dominant or submissive? You can try switching for a time and see how that feels. I personally felt empowered and became a lot more dominant. Sex is so amazing for both of us now. -kinks: communicate and explore each other's kinks! You never know what you might end up loving without trying. -there's some apps/quizzes that both of you can try where you go through a list of activities that you may to try in the bedroom. Some have the capability to use both your individual answers and see what matches and lists them out for you. It can be eye opening!

I like what others have mentioned, but I’ve found in my case, just having a clear plan of communication is peak in helping sexually. It’s nice to know exactly what your partner likes, and to express what exactly you like, so it feels less like ritualistic sex (if that makes sense hahaha) and more enjoyable for both parties. That will in turn make you less concerned on how long it takes you/him to finish and how you got there.

@xNymphadora hello! Thank you for your long reply 🥺 I agree with you that the whole point it’s not to finish bc we have discussed it. We do use toys for me, I don’t believe he’s open to try on him as far as I know. There’s a few other things you mentioned we have done/tried. I think the thing here it’s that I feel the sex it’s not enough or he’s not satisfied either (ofc that’s my mind talking) I do know he’d like to be more rough with me which I believe comes from what he used to watch and I have told him I am open to see but he just never ends up doing it’s apparently bc he knows that I wasn’t doing very well down there (the pills made me super dry and the friction it’s too much for me even with lube) even tho i had told him to. But idk I just feel like it’s not that good for him and therefore for me too. Like the feeling after sex it’s a bit off sometimes and before I used to think it was bc my libido was so low but now I’m starting to see it can be about this too :(

Otherwise, while reaching an orgasm is usually the goal from sex, you have to accept that sometimes it won't happen. BUT you can still have an incredibly intimate and passionate experience. For example: most men experience ED at some point in their lives (usually when older) where they either might not get or stay hard, or not be able to cum. That doesn't mean that they can't pleasure you. They could make you cum over and over again and some other time you could return the favour. Sex doesn't always have to include penetration either. There's actually couples that are that way and are perfectly satisfied. A funny anecdote: sometimes my bf can't cum when he's had too many drinks. I can still have my fun, tell him dirty things and humiliate him (kink) by laughing how his d!!ck is going to be my dildo for the night and he's not allowed to cum no matter what. Sometimes that pushes him over the edge before you know it lol. Let his mind and imagination go wild. A man being denied to cum can leave him wanting more!

@dragonflyy_f hi! I agree with what you said. I had told him we should do like a day where we just explained our bodies to each other like we were new at it, so will definitely be doing that :))

@xNymphadora I feel I have yet to find something like that with my bf! Bc like I don’t mind if I don’t cum but I know that his goal maybe it’s more close to that. Or at least when he’s not getting really hard (for example when he drinks) I see him a bit frustrated… I have personally told him that we don’t always have to have sex and we can do other things but idk I feel like I’m alone on that. Not saying he doesn’t enjoy it but I know he just really wants to have sex, specially bc we don’t see each other for a long time

I feel like that's very common. I was also in a LDR for a very long time and we had a similar experience. Honestly it took years until we started having good sex. We were both each other's firsts too which put a whole new level of difficulty on that. I think he needs to get out of his head during sex. Perhaps you can blindfold him or handcuff him to restrain him in some way? It also would elevate the senses :) Or doing some sort of sensual activity beforehand. Like a massage, showering together, going on a date, wearing lingerie or watching some reality tv 🤣 A guilty pleasure of ours is watching ex on the beach show. A lot of love/sex related shows include ideas for romantic dates and some have the drama and romance. My bf and I are horny by the end of it without realising it 😅 definitely a sneaky way to get in the mood.

@xNymphadora I’m glad to hear I’m not alone in this and that it takes time to learn it. I am with you on all that! The thing is I don’t think he is… ig I gotta talk him into trying new things. But I ultimately feel like he wants rough stuff and very intense domination (even if he hasn’t said it so explicitly) and for me, although I like it too, there is a point when it is just straight painful and not really enjoyable for me and I also don’t feel it’s very intimate and that is the thing that I am scared we went be able to ever see eye to eye. And if we close distance in a year or so I would move to his country and leave my life here so I’d like to have a better sex life for sure bc that would just not be good if it was otherwise

I completely understand! Been in your shoes. Him being more rough or dominant should never be causing you a lot of pain. Unfortunately to get to the stage of very rough and hard sex, you need A LOT of stimulation to get to a point of complete arousal. Patience is key. There are other ways he can assert his dominance over you, and you need to list the ways he is allowed to do so. I recommend doing the BDSM test/quiz. I did it years ago and it went into great detail of figuring out what kind of things you're into. Things like, do you enjoy bondage, humiliation, denial, pain, edging, pet/feet/oral/whatever play, roleplay, punishments, slave/master dynamics etc. literally everything and to what degree. Comparing these results with your partner can lead to ideas of how he can feel like he's dominating you and you would be a lot more into it because it's probably something you would enjoy too, but haven't tried yet! He could for example tie you up, or have you over his knee while he spanks you. Or blindfold you and play with your body, teasing with a feather, pinching your nipples or having an ice cube melt over your hot body. Getting you to a point that you're begging for him because you can barely hold it in. Once he enters you, he could try doing it painstakingly slow, and then when he can't hold it together anymore himself, he'll let loose and do whatever he wants with you. It's just an example of the type of things that can be a bit more sensual but still in a D/s dynamic

@xNymphadora I really appreciate your long responses and ideas🫶🏻 there some things in the list you mention we have not tried yet and would defiantly be nice. I hope to talk to him soon about it and maybe experiment with more things next time we see each other. And will definitely be taking that quiz!! Thanks again!!