TLDR maybe, but needing some advice about a friend :( i have had a friend (ill call her blue) for 10 years now. we have always been close i feel, and we have only had few fights or friendship breaks in this time. i’ve noticed in the past 4 years of our friendship, she cancels on me CONSTANTLY. she bailed on me for our senior prom an hour before we left, so i had to find a new ride. she never went to football games or anything with me in high school. now, as adults, i make plans and she has cancelled every single time. she even cancelled plans on her own birthday that i made for her. recently, ive gotten a new boyfriend. his apartment is less than 10 minutes from her house. i love him so much and he is SO friendly and amazing, and he has done everything to be kind to my friends and hang out with them. i have another friend (we’ll call him green) who lives an hour away from me, but he will drive to hang out with my boyfriend and i. on monday this week, we all had a group plan to hang out. i invited blue and green last week, and they were both so excited. blue texted me the MORNING OF to tell me something came up, but she still planned to make it just a little later. green made the hour long drive and made it on time to be with my boyfriend and i. about an hour into us hanging out, green texting blue and asked her if she was coming, and she said she didn’t even know he was gonna be there (which isn’t true!) but that she wasn’t even gonna show up at all. she didn’t apologize to me, but this really hurt my feelings. we’ve been friends for so long and it starts to feel like my fault because she doesn’t want to spend time with me…. i haven’t reached out to her since, but she hasn’t reached out to me either. do you guys think i should text her? or should i wait for her to say something? i’ve let it go for yeaaaarssss, regardless of how much it hurts me, and this just feels like the breaking point. i don’t want to hurt her feelings, but i feel like it’s valid for me to be upset? i don’t know.

i also want to add- before, i have brought this up, and she blamed it on my boyfriends. when i was with my ex, she said i was “always with him and never had time for her” even though i had cancelled with him before to spend time with her, and only hung out with him when she cancelled our original plans… my current boyfriend and i make SURE!! we are not too touchy or too flirty in public or with my friends. he will put his arm around me or hug me, but he’s not all over me so my friends never feel like they’re third wheeling. so that wouldn’t be a motivator to not spend time with me (or him)..

What age are you guys? Idk I feel like she’s showing you repeatedly who she is. Someone who doesn’t/won’t make the time and effort for you and your friendship.

@bluerose9 i’m 20, she’s 21. we met in 6th grade and are both seniors in college now. but she’s in online school, and i commute… so…. we live literally 4 minutes down the road from each other.

4 minutes down the road is fairly close, have you tried brining this up with her? Like having a full conversation on how you think the friendship is one sided? At this point I would just stop trying on your end, you went above and beyond to set up a birthday plan that wasn’t even yours. I wouldn’t expect her to reach out either, set your expectation bar very low since she hasn’t pulled through for your other plans.

That’s not a friend. She’s letting you know how much she cares about you. You need to drop her.

I agree with @seechell at the very least you need to lower your expectations of her. You say she’s cancelled on you consistently for 4 entire years. It is kind of surprising you are so hurt and upset by her cancelling this time. Surely you were half expecting her to cancel, like at this point her letting you down is the norm. Protect yourself and reduce your expectations of her.

As sad as it may be it's time to let go of this friendship. You can't have a friendship with someone who never actually hangs out with you. Tell her, "I've noticed you're usually not able to make the plans that I suggest. From now on I'll wait for you to suggest times that work for you." She won't reach out to make plans and you can let the friendship end. Of course it's valid for you to feel upset about this but I'd also ask yourself why are you trying so hard and putting so much effort into someone who's consistently wasted your time and shown you she doesn't care for years? It's really time to stop overextending yourself and protect your energy and time.

I appreciate all of you guys for the advice. Do you all think I should reach out at all? Or just literally not say anything again..

What would you reach out for exactly?

@stinaaa I don’t know. I know she hasn’t reached out to me because she’s waiting for me to text her first. I just feel weird not saying anything at all and just never talking to her ever again after being friends for so long

@nicoanstic_ I’d say what @aurielle suggested to say. Explains why you’re no longer making the same effort as before and leaves the power in her hands. Sounds like you have more respect for her than to just ghost her.

If you’d like to you can. But it sounds like the end of a friendship. She should have been more honest with you a long time ago instead of treating you like this for years.