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Dec 2 22
20:29
Hi y’all! I need some advice on this. I recently just created a Twitter and I wanted to follow my bf’s account. I found his profile and saw that he’s following so many inappropriate accounts of women and his followers are also from some of these people. I really didn’t mean to spy or anything, I am just curious about who’s he following. I didn’t expect this and I am in shocked to see that. I am not madly upset but I can’t wrap my head around the fact that he’s enjoying these accounts . Am I selfish to feel this way and how can I bring this up to him? I just spent the night at his place and we don’t have any plans to see each other until next week. Should I bring this up over texts? Ft? Or should I wait to talk in person? I am kinda feeling anxious to have this conversation. Thanks!!!
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Dec 2 22
20:39
It’s just social media, it’s really not that deep. If he enjoys seeing nsfw pictures then that’s his business, not yours. I wouldn’t say anything tbh. He’s not doing anything wrong.
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Dec 2 22
20:43
@HaVN I would maybe speak to him about it. If it makes you uncomfortable then it’s worth talking to him about. If he doesn’t wanna compromise or talk about it then that might be a red flag for me. It’d make me uncomfortable too if my boyfriend was doing that. I told him that stuff made me uncomfortable and he unfollowed them as soon as I said something/ we started talking in the beginning. Everyone has different boundaries and things that they are okay with. You shouldn’t feel bad about being upset about it. I maybe would talk in person.
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Dec 2 22
20:44
If you want to talk about I’d say it’s best to do so in person. I don’t think it’s selfish of you, it seems more like you have different opinions on this topic, so if this is an issue for you then you’re best to address it and discuss your boundaries on this.
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Dec 2 22
20:44
Thank you!
 
Dec 2 22
20:45
There could be a chance he doesn’t realize he’s following them/ they’re following him.
5
Dec 2 22
20:45
But communication is definitely key. Goodluck!
3
Dec 2 22
20:49
Thank you so much @mAkattack445 @BLuerose9
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Dec 2 22
20:58
The only thing I would say about addressing it is that you can’t tell him what to do. If it makes you insecure that’s fine, but you can have boundaries that are rooted in insecurities which isn’t healthy. Don’t tell him or expect him to stop following those accounts because that would be controlling.
5
Dec 2 22
21:02
What precisely about it makes you uncomfortable?
1
Dec 2 22
21:57
@aurielle We have certain boundaries in our relationships and him doing that is breaking one of our boundaries. And I am saying this because I know if he finds out about me following hot/naked men on social media, he wouldn’t be okay.
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Dec 2 22
22:03
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it personally but if he wouldn’t be okay with you doing the same thing, then he’s an hypocrite. It’s controlling to decide who your partner follows, it is fair to not want him to interact with them though
3
Dec 2 22
22:17
You’re both entitled to your own privacy. It’s normal to have sexual fantasies outside of your partner, and if following those accounts fulfills that fantasy then that’s fine. Realistically it’s going to be difficult to find someone who does not view porn/ nsfw content. It really shouldn’t be a boundary or a rule not to view that stuff in a relationship because as soon as one of you wants to view that stuff, it’s going to cause resentment. As long as it’s not affecting your relationship, intimacy, etc. then you both can do whatever you want.
6
Dec 3 22
05:20
I know that everyone is saying that you shouldn’t be bothered because it’s not your business, but I would be uncomfortable with that as well. If you and your partner are close, it would feel weird to be so publicly involved in accounts showing other women. It’s different from just watching porn in my opinion, which is fine and healthy. So, I think you’re very justified in feeling a bit weird, and I think you should bring it up! Not in a controlling way, just discussing how it makes you feel and discussing his interests, so that you guys could make a boundary or come to an agreement together, rather than just dismissing your feelings.
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Dec 3 22
15:31
Thank you @mATchalover
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Dec 6 22
18:18
@Kitarah you shouldn’t really be saying what should and shouldnt be boundaries in other peoples relationships
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Dec 6 22
18:24
@matchalover agreed! well said
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Dec 6 22
19:07
@greenwitch This post was literally from 3 days ago 🙄 I was simply explaining why having those kinds of boundaries can cause issues in the future. Yes I said those kinds of boundaries shouldn’t be in a relationship, but I never told the OP what to do. And they asked for advice and I gave it. Relax yourself.
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Dec 6 22
19:14
@greenwitch there are boundaries that are healthy and constructive and boundaries that are not. Contrary to popular belief boundaries do not dictate what your partner can and can't do in a relationship. Boundaries are for yourself and describe how you will respond to a particular situation. Some boundaries work and some typically don't.
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Dec 7 22
04:24
@Kitarah who cares if it was 3 days ago? 😂 some people dont go on here daily and dont see posts right away..? interesting you are telling me to relax. it was a simple sentence
 
Dec 7 22
04:55
@aurielle reference matchalovers comment. but what op is talking about isnt some crazy wild thing like saying “my SO isn’t allowed to look at girls in public or cant have friends of the opposite sex” ops feelings are valid and having a conversation about it with their SO would be beneficial if it is bothering them. communication is important. op obviously cant make their SO do anything, but if they have open communication, boundaries can be discussed and something could be figured out that works for them and their relationship
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Dec 7 22
05:07
@greenwitch but I don't think @Kitarah was talking about that comment.
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Dec 7 22
05:58
@aurielle what are you talking about? im telling you to reference the comment to try and give you an understanding of someone who articulated it well.
 

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