Hellooo I need some advice I love my boyfriend so much and I feel so much comfort around him, we have been dating from 6 years. Is it wrong to fantasise about other people? I understand a quick fleeting fantasy or a fuel for masturbation but I find myself constantly referring back to the same person, I’ve thought about him while I masturbated atleast ten times and when I see him I can’t help but do some harmless flirting, tonight I saw he was cold looking and I pictured myself leaning against him to warm him up, is this wrong and does this tell me that I need to move on from my relationship. I got into my relationship when I was 17 and I sometimes feel like I am not fully sexually attracted to him anymore, when we cuddle or when I am near him I do get horny and in the mood but it’s also not the same excitement and spark as I feel with this othef guy, is this just because I am familiar with my boyfriend and something new and exciting interests me. Pleas tell me someone has felt this way before because it has been playing on my mind and I’d hate to think I wasted the better half of my 20s with a guy who is only partially getting me excited.

I personally think fantasizing about someone else while in a relationship can be considered cheating/disrespectful because if you have someone and are fully satisfied and committed to them then you shouldn’t need another outlet. To me you kinda sound like you are no longer that interested into ur boyfriend.

Fantasizing about someone or an idea I think is one thing but when it’s someone you see frequently, want to comfort (referring to you wanting to warm him up) and flirting with him, this is not innocent.

Completely disagree with the above, it is quite normal to fantasize or have little crushes on people while in a long-term relationship. The simple fact is that over the long-term you are going to get very familiar with your partner and you aren't going to feel the same sparks and excitement as you did during the beginning of the relationship. It's honestly unrealistic to expect that our partners can fully satisfy those desires at all times for our entire lives. This has a scientific explanation because our dopamine receptors that cause those happy butterflies feelings when we see our partners gradually get desensitized after repeated stimulation from the same person. I've been in a 5 year relationship and now in a 4 year one and I have these fantasies from time to time, it does not mean I'm cheating or being disrespectful because I've never acted on it. In terms of maintaining desire and attraction in a truly long-term relationship (like, a lifelong marriage) I'm currently reading Mating in Capitivity by Esther Perel and it's very illuminating. The truth is, desire and attraction are going to wax and wane in a long-term relationship, that doesn't mean you can't be committed to each other. That said, 17 is pretty young to be in a relationship this serious, so if you ever feel like you need to explore being with other people, that is completely valid too! But you are not wrong for having these feelings.