If my husband pays all the rent and I do everything round the house do you think that’s fair? He pays all the rent (bills are already included in our rent). He earns more than 3x my salary. I am grateful and I’ve always done everything round the house (cleaning, cooking, laundry, food shopping, looking after the pets etc) but lately I know I’ve been snappy at him over little things as I just get frustrated at times and feel like I have days after work where I cba to clean or do stuff. It’s more so the little things, like he will put an empty milk carten back in the fridge, his deodrant will run out instead of him getting another one he will use mine until that’s empty. Last week before work he was asking me to make him toast or eat my toast whilst I was already trying to get myself ready for work. I spoke to him about it today he flipped on me and made out like everything i said isnt true and said ‘well dont do anything for me ever again’ and said the times he has done stuff all i have done is complain about the way he has done it. Which is a fair point but it’s clearly been a half arsed mans effort. Am i in the wrong? My money i spend on my car (which i might add he no longer has a car so i drive us everywhere), pet supplies and our food shopping.

Um no I don't think that's fair. I don't think that paying rent and bills replaces doing housework. Unless he works literally twice as many hours as you to make that money, it's not fair because clicking pay on the bill is no labor at all compared to all the cleaning, cooking, and laundry. If you paid someone to do all those things, how much would it cost? You also have a job, right? So why are you doing double work by managing the entire household as well? I make twice as much salary as my partner and pay the rent (he pays other bills) but we split housework evenly because I think it's about hours and effort put in, not the dollar amount you make.

@aurielle Tried to have a conversation and it turned into an argument and he said that he expects me to take care of everything round the house because he pays rent and if I want him to do something I should just ask him. I feel like I can’t get my point across of how I feel or maybe I’m wrong. I don’t like how it’s expected of me, yes I do it anyway but him admitting he expects it just rubbed me up the wrong way. And also I don’t want to have to ask him to do things (especially if he already thinks I should be doing it) I just want sometimes for him to think ‘oh I know we need to get shopping for food tonight I’ll go get it’ or ‘I’ll make the food tonight’ rather than me have to tell him

@d1996 exactly it's called the mental load and currently you're carrying 100% of it. There's tons of articles and research on this. Time to tell him this arrangement needs to change because you don't want to be in a relationship like this. I hate to be that person but it would be a dealbreaker for me. I can't imagine a man who is so comfortable having everything done for him that he won't even consider his partner's concerns.

Agree with above comment about the mental load. You’ve essentially become the “manager” of the home. When he says to just ask him to do things, that puts the burden of delegation onto you rather than him just chipping in when a simple task arises. Does he have to ask you to do things, or do you just do them when they need to get done? I’m sure that gets old quick and I hope you can work it out

He wants a maid not an equal partner, unfortunately it’s unlikely he will ever change, so please never have kids with this man & reconsider this marriage. Often women end up being seen as the nagging, negative wife, which just isn’t fair at all.

To add to what everyone else said, my parents were in the same kind of marriage and when they got divorced, my mom didn’t have a penny to her name. Because she was taking care of all the daily expenses (food and house maintenance) and my dad the big occasional expenses, she was never able to save anything. That’s something to keep in mind as well from what I’ve read of your post…