Hey, me and my bf were talking the other day and somehow we ended up on the topic of masturbation and it ended with me telling him that I masturbate to a particular person (a celebrity) who I’ve made it clear I am attracted to. I obviously told him I don’t find him more attractive than my bf but it’s just what I use to masturbate but he was very clearly bothered by it. We ended the convo before it went further and I said it’s just peoples preferences and it’s not really anyone else’s business… but what do you guys think of this?

If my partner was masturbating to a specific person they are attracted to I would feel pretty upset about it so I can kinda see why he feels the way he does. It’s also possible he would prefer you to masturbate to him. It may be a celebrity you are never going to meet but you are still acting out of lust and hurting your partner.

Hey! It sounds like a tricky conversation you had. It's totally normal to have attractions to celebrities, and it doesn't mean you love your boyfriend any less. Maybe it would help to talk more about it with him, so he can express what bothered him. Open communication is key, and reassuring him about your feelings might ease his concerns. It's all about finding a balance that works for both of you

I personally don't think that those specific fantasies need to be shared with your partner. At the same time it's nice that you felt open enough to talk to him about it. I don't think he has a right to be upset at you but perhaps it just triggered a little insecurity within him. You can reassure him that it has nothing to do with your attraction to him. People are allowed to have different preferences and fantasies and it's just something that he's going to have to manage and trust in his relationship with you.

I asked because I wanted to bring it up and discuss it more with him and make sure he’s okay. We spoke and I asked him if he’s ever masturbated to a particular person on multiple occasions and he said yes. I explained that it’s not like I see this person and start uncontrollably touching myself, it’s more just that it’s an effective stimulus for me when I do want to masturbate. He said he feels hurt and it feels like I’m choosing this person over him, and asked why I would masturbate to this person when I have him and he would happily give me content or pleasure me. I’m quite stuck on how to go about this 😥 im starting to wonder am I in the wrong?

Ur asking if its wrong when ur bf is clearly upset over it which makes it wrong. If he would prefer that you masturbate to his content then you should probably respect that, if you respect him and his feelings. He probably sees it as cheating or disrespectful. I would definitely be upset if i was in his situation especially if I would offer my own content to my partner.

My boyfriend watches porn to masturbate although we have content together and of just me and I pointed this out and asked why and he just said ‘I don’t know’. He has momentos from holidays with naked women on them, such as a lighter that he has used to masturbate when he couldn’t watch porn 😂 I just feel like everyone has their own stimulis that they use and as long as it doesn’t affect the relationship then it shouldn’t be an issue? I know he is upset and in hindsight I probably never should’ve shared this as @aurielle said

If he thinks its okay for him to watch porn and masturbate to random women and he doesn’t think its okay for you to watch it and gets upset about it then he sounds like a hypocrite.

I agree that’s how it feels, but I think he’s more hurt that it’s not so much I’m watching porn but that I’m using pictures of a specific person to get off each time. I used to use to get off just using my imagination of him pleasuring me which he loved but now I find that to be less effective /pleasurable. But anyway everyone has their own preferences when it comes to mastubation and it doesn’t disrupt our sex life or how I feel about him at all so what’s the issue

You're not doing anything wrong @Dara_co and how someone feels about it doesn't determine if something is wrong or right. He's allowed to have his feelings and I think the best thing to focus on is reassuring him that you're not choosing a celebrity over him and you still desire him and find him attractive. You can address his feelings while not treating your behavior as something wrong that needs to be corrected.

@aurielle I agree! You didn’t do anything wrong just because he feels like you did. He’s allowed to feel upset but you didn’t disrespect him, it’s a fantasy, and he cannot control how you personally navigate those fantasies. I think you already have a good idea and sense of the situation and are handling it correctly.

@aurielle @Maeve_ Okay we spoke about it more and I pretty explained it’s okay he feels that way but I didn’t do anything wrong so he can’t project onto me in the way he did. He asked to come to a compromise being he will be fine with the fact that I use that content to masturbate so long as I don’t do it too often, or when he is in the house as he is always up for sex as he wouldn’t want me to use it as a replacement for / prefer it to sex when he is right there because I’d be choosing another man over him essentially. I thought it sounded reasonable but I’m not sure if I’m being slightly manipulated here?

@Dara_co I wouldn’t be okay with that compromise because it’s not reasonable. He doesn’t get to dictate when you masturbate or how. It’d be reasonable if he asked you not to do it in front of him. But asking not to do it too often or when he’s in the house because he’s home is not okay. Your personal sexuality is important too and masturbating is different than having sex. He is projecting his insecurities on to you 100%.

I think he’s being reasonable. I don’t think he’s telling you when to not masturbate its more of he probably wants to have sex more often instead of you pleasing yourself while he’s in the mood. In order to maintain a healthy sex life you both got to put in effort instead of turning each other down.

Agree 100% with @maeve_ he doesn't get to dictate your private sexuality