PLEASE someone help me, i will try make it as short as i can. Me and my bf have been together 2 years now and i have a problem within myself that i just don’t know what to do about. I am so self centred. Don’t get me wrong i do a lot for him and im kind and we barley argue but when we do it’s because our plans change and i freak out over it. For some reason i just can’t help it but i need to change. so for example he is meant to sleep round mine sat and sunday every weekend and we both really like it and it’s so fun. But if something comes up for him that means he can’t sleep over one night i get so angry and upset. (i am not mean to him tho its more of an inside thing) in the end he ended up changing his plans to come stay over because he wanted me to be happy. And then today we were meant to go shopping and he had to cancel because his grandma wanted home and i immediately started crying and begged him to stay. When he left i repeatedly asked him to come back on messages and then felt so guilty after i calmed down. He makes me so happy and he does so so much for me he is literally the most amazing person and i want him forever. How do i change my behaviour so that i am okay when plans change or when things don’t go my way. I feel like i can never have enough time with him and i always need him there. Please please help

It sounds to me like you’re experiencing a small form of codependency. If you’re unsure what that is, it is defined as excessive emotional or psychological reliance upon a partner. That can be very negative, as in going so far as to be abusive, but it may be a tamer version for you. Have you felt this way with other partners before?

@nicoanstic_ honestly i haven’t no, i think maybe i hadn’t been with them this long so maybe it didn’t develop. I’ve always never felt this way about anyone before. I have a massive fear of him leaving me but i don’t know why. Our relationship is really healthy and we show that we love each other a lot. we have rarely had a proper argument and have never once shouted at each other. I would never hurt him i just feel like if i don’t change then he will be distant or something but i don’t know how to change

@cutiepattoti how old are you guys? That also plays into it.

@nicoanstic_ we are both 17

@cutiepattoti that’s a little bit of what it is, I’d say. I was the same way with my boyfriend when I was 17. But, as I grew up, I learned how to appreciate time without him. I would say to communicate with him about this issue. It’ll help you feel more open with him and he will understand your feelings more. I also would, like I said, try to appreciate your time alone when it comes up on those weekends. Do self care or something fun! Hang out with a friend instead! Don’t sit and think about how it would be fun if he was there, because you do get plenty of time with him! It will help you in the long run.

@nicoanstic_ i feel like even when i do that it gets better for a small while and then it gets difficult again. Like i can’t focus on myself when he’s the only thing on my mind. And i could communicate with him but im not really sure what i would say

@cutiepattoti yeah, I do understand that, but also that’s something you need to work on in yourself. You need to learn to be content by yourself and not be consumed with a partner. That’s the way you’ll find healing! And just be open about how you feel. Tell him how much you love him and how hard it is to be alone without him. But don’t make him feel guilty.

@nicoanstic_ thank u sm