Am I wrong to be annoyed my husband doesn’t come home after nights out? He doesn’t go out much but the last 4 times he has been out he hasn’t came home and hadn’t text me to say he will be staying out all night. I have no issue with him going out but I don’t understand why he wouldn’t come home or even let me know. In my head I worry, probably over the top, but what if his Uber crashed on the way home or what if he got drunk and passed out and choked on his sick. Lol definitely a bit dramatic on my end but I said out of respect could he at least text me to tell me when he stays out. I made it very clear last time I wouldn’t stick around if it happened again and last night it happened again. I feel a bit torn as we went out as a group for his birthday, I went home earlier as I have no money and tbh my social battery had gone so was happy to go home. He stayed out and ‘promised’ he wouldn’t be out late. I don’t know if I’m in the wrong for feeling like this.

I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling like this. It’s valid to feel this way since your partner had failed to keep his promise and doesn’t take your worries seriously and it seems like this is an issue for you that he also failed to recognize. Did you ask him where he was or what he was doing for not coming home?

It’s going to keep happening so stick to your word. You told him you’d leave so maybe it’s time if you can’t find a compromise on this. I think updating your whether you’re okay while you’re out late at night is a bare minimum and it’s not that difficult to check in occasionally.

I agree with the other 2 commenters. He could argue he’s always too drunk or tired to remember, but then if you’ve expressed it’s that important to you, he should make an effort. It’s as simple as asking a friend “Hey, please remind me to text my wife later incase I forget.” There’s many things he can do to solve this, and it seems like he’s choosing not to. Stick to your word.

You need to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you. Sounds to me like he did it again because he thought probably be temporarily mad and then you’d get over it, and therefore thought he didn’t need to prioritize your feelings about it. It’s really inconsiderate, especially when you live with your partner and they’re expecting you home, to tell them, “oh yeah I’ll be home by x time” and then just not show up at that time and not call or text to let you know the plans have changed. Like @cherryade said, he could have asked a friend to remind him to text you, he could’ve set an alarm on his phone for whatever time he told you he’d be home and then called you at that time to let you know if he was coming back or if plans changed. He chose not to.

I think it's completely reasonable to ask your partner to let you know if they aren't coming home, it's not like you're asking for a minute by minute update on their movements, you just want to know whether to expect them home or not. I would also see it as a safety thing. I wouldn't necessarily make an ultimatum that you're going to break up over it, but have a serious conversation about steps he can take to remember to do this (like putting a reminder on his phone before he goes out or something.) I'd also want to know where he's going if he doesn't come home at all lol

Not dramatic at all I think you’re fully right here, asking for an update on his location and how he is if he’s not coming home is very reasonable. And like where is he when disappears?? Getting so wasted you don’t come home is something I could let slide once. Only once. Repeatedly doing it, absolutely not: personally that’s showing there’s deeper issues here because that’s not the kind of behaviour I want to be involved in or associated with. I do think if you’re making ultimatums about the consequences of certain actions, like in this situation, you 100% need to stick to your word and follow through. Only make statements like that if you actually mean it and actually act on it.