Okay so i haven’t made a life dump in a long time now and it’s due. It’s going to be long so buckle in… I have been in a relationship for almost a year now with my boyfriend. He is not my first boyfriend but he is definitely the most serious one. I have never ever been the type to control my boyfriend or tell him who he can hangout with, I just see no point in it since it’s his life. But I may have done just that and I need to write it down. I’ll start at the beginning. My boyfriend has a girl “best” friend (which I never had a problem with) and I knew that he had female friends since me and him had been friends for years before dating. So if I would have had a problem with it I would not have started dating him. Two months into our relationship I added the girl on socials, but didn’t get added back until half a year later. Me and my boyfriend attended a Christmas party where she was also and I was going to meet her for the first time. When she saw us, she wrapped her hands around my boyfriend’s neck calling out his name very happy to see him, but then she looked my way and did me a one over, with the look we all know, and continued to speak to my boyfriend. After the party she offered to drive my boyfriend home and when he asked if she could also drive me home she was hesitant. I found it weird but didn’t mention it to him. Later i told my friends and they also seemed to know her from school and acting and other stuff. They had their share of stories. Apparently she had always been the type to flirt with guys that have girlfriends. She had gotten with her best friends ex-boyfriend at one time. My friend told me that the girl had also made out with a guy she was talking to after she told her about him. My coworker had also been her friend a couple years back and she told me that the girl had made out with her boyfriend in front of her. So now I had all these bad stories about her and my gut feeling sunk deeper, and I finally told my boyfriend. He became weird and defensive about it and in a way told me to forget about it. Later she and him went skiing together and I was not invited. After that they went on car rides together and she was always texting him. She told him about all the guys she was meeting and looking for comfort in him when “they” *forked* her over. I told my boyfriend that I found this uncomfortable and that I did not like it. He acted aloof and told me that there is no way she liked him. As a girl I know what she is thinking so yes she does. Fast forward to this weekend, I went to my friends birthday party and while I was there he texted me that the girl had invited him to her birthday party the same night (she knew that I was at another party since she knew the girl that was hosting it.) I was not extremely happy and told him that he could choose what he would do but he knew what I thought about it. He ended up going and I was upset. I found it disrespectful to my feelings since he knew I found it uncomfortable. We fought about it for an hour and after I told him to see this from my perspective he ended up telling me that he would not see her anymore (but still text her.) Last night we were scrolling on his phone and the top search on his instagram was her account (he had just cleared his search bar the night before, so it had to be when I was working) I asked him about it and he said that his friend had asked for her instagram. This had happened before and then he came up with the same excuse, and the same friend. At that point I just didn’t believe him anymore so I looked up her instagram account and checked her followers, his friend was not even following her. I was furious, and I did the thing I had promised myself not to do. I made him pick, cut her out or loose me. Later that night he picked up his phone and removed her. I don’t know how to feel, am I an asshole or did I do the right thing?

First, I do think you’re in the wrong for asking him to choose between you two. Seems like you know that already. But, I also think that your bf was being disrespectful by constantly dismissing your feelings. It sounds like you were trusting him at the beginning and had good intentions as you wanted to befriend his friend. Her ignoring you in front of him, and never inviting you to anything isn’t cool. I would be mad at my friends if they made my partner feel unwelcome, no matter the gender. It is very possible that your bf is right and she doesn’t like him romantically but her behavior is inappropriate. I don’t care much for her reputation because people can change and I don’t believe in home wreckers, the boys in her past were just as guilty as her. That being said, you have to trust your instincts and if you can’t trust him, you shouldn’t be dating him. You should never ask someone to cut out a friend from their life, they will resent you for it eventually. You should be the one to leave if you’re unhappy with the situation.

I'll say what I always say in posts about "the girl best friend," the girl is not really the problem here. What you should be focusing on is building trust in YOUR relationship between you and your boyfriend, not focusing on dissecting his relationship with her. When you have a strong foundation of trust in your relationship it won't bother you when he hangs out with her or does normal things, like go to her birthday party or look at her instagram. I think you were overthinking the bday party scenario- I highly doubt she planned her birthday party specifically around you not being there, and if she's one of his best friends, of course he'd go? I also don't think it's okay to say your SO can choose and then get mad at them for making the "wrong" choice. My point is that all these details are things external to the relationship and getting a third person involved when really what needs to be worked on is the relationship between the two of you.

Oh girly, drop him. If you have to make someone choose between another person & yourself even after you’ve expressed how you feel, they are not the person for you.

Thank you for all the feedback, it is very appreciated. I talked to him again today and apologised for making him choose between me á d his friend. It was pretty immature of me (which I did realise) and really just me just acting on my insecurities. I told him that I would work on it and not always overthink everything, we also had a chat about how he was going to work on communication and understanding. We are okay now despite having a couple of rough days:)

@Flora_77 that's great and glad to hear you both have things you've agreed to work on.

@Flora_77 it’s not immature of you at all though.. you’ve heard more than enough about this girl to validate the way you feel. personally i wouldn’t have apologized.

but hey, wish you the best w him