Hi all, I haven’t posted on this for a while, but I am just after some advice as I’m feeling a little confused. Yes I am still with my partner that I have posted about over the last few years, he’s matured quite a bit in someways. But I’m just wanting some advice. We’ve been together for almost 7 years. A year into our relationship, obviously I was quite young, a boy tried to contact me and asked to take me out, obviously I had to let him down gently as he did seem really nice but I was in a relationship. Around 2 years ago now, I had a random phone call from the same boy, almost 4 years later, and he asked me how I was and if I was still in my relationship becuase he wants to still take me out, I’m a big believer in what’s meant to be will be and everything happens for a reason and it was just crazy to me that almost 4 years later he decided to reach out to me, I was just thinking is this a sign. But anyway we spoke a little but never did I cross the line and say anything to him I shouldn’t, I made it very clear like nothing will happen whilst I’m in a relationship and I had to kind of leave it there as I couldn’t continue talking to him knowing he had intentions on wanting to be more than friends, anyway I’ve not spoke to him at all since then but I do think about him now and then, and I always doubt myself and think have I missed out on something that could potentially be meant for me? I had to get this off my chest because it has been playing on my mind quite a bit, but is what I’m feeling normal whilst I’m in a relationship? I’m just confused

I don’t see how him reaching out again is a “sign” really, I’m not sure why you would think so unless it happened at a moment that seems strange/specific beyond “it’s been a long time.” It’s not like you and him coincidentally bumped into each other, he just chose to contact you again. Are you otherwise having doubts about your current relationship? It seems like you’re not all that invested in it.

I think you’re reading wayyyy too much into it. I personally don’t think it’s a “sign” or signal that you’re going down the wrong path in life or that you’re missing out on anything. That guy obviously just is pretty confident and decided to take a risk and reach out. I mean do you even know him now? If you’ve had zero contact in 4 years he’s essentially a stranger to you, you know nothing about his life. ^ is there any reason why you want it to be a sign? Are you truly happy within your life and relationship right now/recently?

I agree with everyone else. It's totally normal to occasionally wonder about other paths or other people you could have been with while in a long term relationship. But it doesn't sound like there's anything special about this guy besides that he's very persistent (and maybe doesn't know how to take no for an answer?) Keep in mind it can be much easier to fantasize and project your ideals onto a person you don't really know that well than with the actual imperfect human you're in a relationship with.

Oop looked at your old posts and your boyfriend has been verbally abusive and treating you awfully for at least 5 years, so it's no wonder you're wondering about other guys.

Well, answering all your guys questions on whether I’m happy in my current relationship or not, the answer is I don’t know to be honest, sometimes I am, sometimes I’m not, he still does say really mean things to me when he’s “angry” or if I’ve annoyed him, by all means I’m not perfect and I’m not no angel and I’ll never make out to be, but quite often in arguments he’ll say really big statements to me, like that I’m holding him back In life, but then after say he didn’t mean it, that life would be better if I did leave him, but then after would say he didn’t mean it, tell me no one likes me and I wonder why no one wants to be around me, but then after say he didn’t mean it, and then it makes me start to doubt myself and my relationship like I’ve been with him for almost 7 years and I’m still getting spoken to like this, plus other things aswell, I’ve already put up with it for so long and fought so hard for us over the last few years, it’s like I don’t know if I have any more fight left in me, I think I’m craving that new excitement feeling in a relationship, like a fresh start so to speak, and I’m not giving up at any hurdle I know relationships are hard but I feel like I’ve put up with so much over the last few years and to still come out in the end of it still being spoken to how I do, will things ever change, would things change if we was to have a baby together? Or would things get worse? I feel like it’s just setting me back. He can blow the most silliest things up into the most biggest argument, and it’s like why? Don’t get me wrong he has his good ways and he does always help me out especially financially, but money isn’t all you need to give in a relationship. I think I’m just in two minds at this point, do I want to keep settling with him because I’m comfortable and he’s all I’ve known since being so young or is it time to move on and start fresh :( it’s so hard because I really do love him but I feel like I’m just starting to check out now.

To someone reading this from the outside the answer is very clear, you should have left years ago.

And oh my god don't have a baby with him. If he treats you like this and is so mean to you how will he act around baby??

having a baby will never fix a relationship, only add more stress and responsibility, and it’s very selfish thinking to bring someone into the world just for that. don’t stay with this guy. when he tells you those things during arguments, believe him.

@jorts22 I’m not saying I’m wanting a baby to fix anything, but obviously at some point in my life I want children, so I’m saying with how things can be it’s putting me off wanting children with him at the moment unfortunately

@Cnc_xo i see. i still think it would be a bad idea to have a baby with him, then even if you break up you’re bound to him in some way for life with custody/child support stuff. i agree with the others that it sounds like he’s verbally abusive. you don’t deserve to be treated like that.

This isn’t how a relationship is supposed to be. Having a child will only make this relationship worse, kids don’t fix things actually they challenge and test even very strong and stable relationships. Statistically pregnancy is one of the most dangerous times for women. End the relationship and find someone who actually has a bit of respect for you, and who is a good person, partner and potential father of your children. I think you know deep down you need to end this relationship.

Thankyou so much everyone for your advice, I have become a lot more stronger mentally when it comes to my relationship than what I used to be, and I do think I know what the best thing for me to do is, and it’s not to keep allowing the disrespect anymore, I’ve allowed it that much now it’s got to a point that when he says these things to me I just kind of laugh it off because I’m so used to it, if that makes sense and it’s just not normal

And in regards to that other boy I mentioned, me and him had a lot in common, and what made me open my eyes a little bit was he once told me that his sister was feeling down, and he bought her some flowers and chocolates to cheer her up, and I think it made me think like there is really men out there like that, not to compare my boyfriend to him because my boyfriend does have his good traits believe it or not, but I’ve been given flowers from him literally a handful of times in the whole almost 7 years we’ve been together, like it’s really just the little things and like I say to have came across a man like that, it does make me think have I made the right decision in the path I’ve chose to take relationship wise, like I say we had so much in common and we did get along really well, but maybe I’m just craving that excitement again.