Hello everyone, So I I have not had sex in almost a year after my previous relationship (he was my first). But about a week ago i had sex with someone who seemed to be really nice. He persued me first after we danced together at a club (he was a friend of a friend) we talked for about a week and he was pretty consistent and we hung out twice prior and he seemed like a really sweet guy. the weekend came around and i ended up staying at his house and we had sex. I told him initially (before we slept together) i didn’t want a relationship, but i would be open to talking as friends and i wouldn’t be opposed to it in the future. the following week after we slept together was a complete 180. He takes hours to respond (literally 7-12 hours in between). Our conversations are pretty bland and now i’m feeling sort of used. He was previously telling me how great I was and that we should go on a trip together etc. and now all of the sudden he’s not interested. He mentioned to me that he’s been busy and that we could hang out this week depending on his doctors visit (he injured himself at work). but i’m not sure i believe him. i can’t help but feel a little used. maybe it’s my fault too but i guess i’m just venting lol. any advice would be greatly appreciated

I mean did you enjoy the sex too? Are you being used if you also had a good time and also said you didn't want a relationship? I think without communicating clear expectations of what you want from this it's hard to judge how he should be acting.

@aurielle The sex was okay lol i didn’t finish either time and i told him that previously. But I agree I think i’m just scared to communicate with him since he’s involved in my friend group and I don’t want others to look at me a certain way since it’s a little involved.

@aurielle I think part of me is a little surprised how quickly he was able to switch up in a way. i’m not too sure how to feel about the situation but i think i’m just scared to communicate it.

My takeaway is that you guys were having a good time and he wanted to go on a trip etc as you said, but then you said you didn’t want a relationship, which is maybe why he’s pulling away, or doesn’t want to wait for it in the future as you said. He could be feeling used as well. I agree with what aurielle said above. Just my impression of this post but of course nike of us on the forum know. If this recent treatment/vibe from him is bothering you you should definitely communicate it, otherwise nothing will change.

Did he take that long to respond before you slept together? Idk as @Aurielle said it’s hard to judge when the communication wasn’t super clear, maybe he was catching feelings or wanted more but as you’ve said you don’t want anything serious he’s pulling away, maybe he thought you’d change your mind after sex and you obviously didn’t. Maybe he felt that you weren’t that into him. Something could be going on in his life and it could be nothing to do with you at all. Maybe this is how he normally treats casual sexual partners. Maybe casual sex with no strings just isn’t for you. But tbh you could spend the whole day coming up with possible reasons and scenarios for why this happened this way. If you really want to know then ask him straight out. If not then just let it go and distance yourself from him. I think sometimes these things just work out like that and it’s no one’s ‘fault’ per se and it’s for no one reason, it’s just a combination of things. Don’t dwell on it anyway. It’s obviously not meant to be.

I have come to the conclusion that casual sex is definitely not for me LOL. But guess the confusing part was that after we slept together he was sending me money to get myself food, telling me he would like me to stay over another time etc. so i think i was getting lots of mixed signals which i know that communicating them would definitely solve. If we do end up hanging out this week i will bring it to his attention, if not i agree it might just be time to move on. Thank you everyone for your responses <3