Thoughts pleaseeee I’ve been messaging this guy on WhatsApp that I matched with on tinder for a week now and we seem to get on well. He says all the ‘right’ things, and I’ve been fairly open about what I’ve been through in the past (love bombing etc) and again, he says all the right things like it’s completely understandable, we can take it slow and see how it goes, actions speak louder than words etc. We’ve been messaging on WhatsApp and I went back to his tinder profile earlier today and saw the location like jump/update and so out of curiosity I just asked him how often he’s still using it and he said he deleted the app a few days ago as ‘got what he wanted out of it’. I told him that’s odd as I saw the location distance change in front of my eyes and he agreed it’s weird but insisted he deleted it and he’s ’only interested in me’ so again saying all the ‘right’ things. Is it likely I’m being love bombed/he’s just lying to me? Like it’s not a big deal at all if he was still using tinder, but the fact he said he deleted it and was saying he got what he wanted from it so doesn’t need it anymore etc I’m just very skeptical and suspicious that he’s ’too nice’ lol and is just saying things he thinks I want to hear. I’m prob overthinking it but I’m just so cautious with people and their intentions etc since my ex cus I don’t want to go through it again

Oh and we also planned to meet on Sunday

One of his responses was: ‘I want you to know I have no need to lie so if I still had it I’d say but I don’t have it so I’m just being honest so yeah sorry it’s caused confusion but honestly I am only interested in you and all I can do is prove it and that is perfectly fine by me’

I would be suspicious too, I think that deleting your entire dating app after just one week of messaging someone and you haven't even met them yet is weird behavior. On the other hand though it was also kinda weird that you checked his Tinder and asked him how much he was using it after just one week of messaging.

@aurielle @aurielle I didn’t ‘check’ his tinder, I simply went back on it as I was going back on our conversation on there and just looking back on his photos and just so happened to see the location distance jump while on his profile. We’ve been open about what we’re looking for etc so I thought there was no harm in asking how often he still uses it and I thought it was a pretty harmless question tbh didn’t think it was that deep but then he sad he deleted it which I doubted, not that there’s anything wrong with still using it but bit of a red flag if he’s lying and ‘promising’ he has done something he hasn’t etc. his response just seems a bit extreme I dunno. And like you said even if he was telling the truth about deleting it, is it kinda like love bombing to already say he’s ‘got what he was looking for’ after a week of messaging and we haven’t even met yet. It’s such a shame I was really hoping he was genuine and not like the guys I’m used to :( he’s even ‘reassured’ me that he’s ‘different’ and he’ll show me that but clearly he’s not at all

I am trying to see the tinder thing from a different perspective. Maybe he is genuinely interested in you, but told you he’s not on there because he thought you would have cut contact otherwise? I don’t think it’s that big of a deal if he is still using it since you’ve only just met. However I will say that making promises and saying he’s different than other guys when you haven’t even met does ring alarm bells. From experience: men who call themselves different are usually the WORST of them all 🤣 feel like he is moving way too fast. A genuine “nice guy” doesn’t need to mention it.

You guys haven’t even met yet so I don’t see any issue with him still using tinder or even going on 1st/2nd dates with other girls, so I personally don’t think asking if he is ‘still’ on it often & calling out the location is a super appropriate at this point tbh. That said I do think his response is not genuine & he’s moving way too fast. I don’t recommend getting deep/very personal over text messages in the first few weeks of dating someone, you should focus much more on getting to know them in person. Otherwise you rush it & create an idea of who they are in your head.

It does sound like he’s telling you what he thinks you want to hear. I don’t think you should have asked him about his tinder location changing like it could just change because he went to work or something. Maybe he felt like you were putting under pressure so he came out with that silly line, like he’s obviously not only interested in you and you only if he’s clearly using tinder and he’s literally never met you. If you are second guessing if he’s being genuine at this point then I think you’re probably best to move on. I’m currently using dating apps and going on dates so I can relate to it being tough and difficult to navigate. However in my opinion you’re sharing WAY too much too soon. I don’t share personal information until I’ve met them in person. I don’t share where exactly I work/what hours I work or live, if I’m going out with friends and I mention it I will never mention where exactly I’m going etc It literally could be anyone on the other end of phone so you should be treating them like a stranger. Sure say you want to take things slow but I wouldn’t be telling that you’ve been love bombed or go into details about ex’s, wayyyyy too much personal info my opinion. If you wouldn’t tell a random man you met in the street this then don’t tell a stranger over text. You never know if he’s the kind of person who’d use that against you. So until I meet anyone in person and can judge them from that I am VERY careful about what I share, not only for safety reasons but so I don’t get emotionally invested in someone who is a complete stranger. ^ as @Awg1 said you will rush it and you will create an idea of them in your head that is simply not reality. Also you could meet them and just not fancy them or get on well with them or they could be rude to you or something and then you’ve wasted your time and invested in someone not worth your time.

I think I got caught up in a bubble and now I feel like it’s burst and I feel deflated lol I shouldn’t have brought the tinder thing up to him so I’m just gonna forget that and still meet him on Sunday and just see how it goes. I’m hoping it’ll be easier to tell his true character once I know him in person. Just gotta trust my intuition. Thanks all x

@_EmS definitely trust your intuition, hope you have fun!

Are you sure you’re not actually ignoring your intuition though? It seems like you felt uneasy about his reaction & all of us agreed with that feeling. I wouldn’t ‘forget’ it at least x

@Awg1 I meant more forget it with him, I’ll defo still keep it in mind and see what he’s like in person etc. Thank you x

I def think asking him about tinder was unnecessary. Tinder is veryyy causal. And I wouldn’t expect someone who I just matched with to be off tinder cause they matched with me or went on a date with me. It would actually raise some flags like ‘where did you go?’ I like to stalk how many miles there are away from me 😈 hehe. And I get the texting for a week. But you never really know someone’s vibe unless you meet up. I hope it goes well! But we all put on our best faces to make the best first impression. Just have fun with Tinder. Meet new people. Experience different personalities and dates. But if you expect someone to commit after you match or a first date 🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️ probs not gonna happen hun.

@stinaaa I never expected him to be off tinder or expect him to commit after we matched so I’m not sure where you got that impression from? I just asked a question which I deemed pretty causal and not that deep tbh but yeah it was unnecessary. I explained to him how I saw the distance jump. He didn’t have a problem with me asking about it anyway, he even asked the same back to me lol. We’re just gonna see how it goes, which was always the plan. Thanks :)