Advice please? My boyfriend’s best friend who also happens to be his ex is coming to visit for a week (she lives in a different country). I asked him where she’ll be staying and he said his house ‘obviously’. I do get why he would let her stay at his cuz he has a spare room but I just find it disrespectful as he didn’t even ask how I would feel about it before making that decision. For context - we both live alone seperately and they broke up I wanna say 5+ years ago but stayed friends and constantly calls her his best friend which I always found weird but he gets defensive when I question it. She has a boyfriend too but he’s not coming and I’ve met her and her bf before they’re nice people and it’s not that I’m worried anything will happen it’s mainly that he so boldly made the decision and doesn’t see any issue. He’s also planning on taking her to all our favourite places & restaurants which I find super weird as he has time off but I’ll be working - he has asked me to come along for some stuff but they’re mainly gonna be alone together for a week. I don’t want to break up or argue over it but I don’t know what to do cuz I feel really uncomfortable about the situation which I think anyone would feel! 😞

Listen, I totally believe in trusting your partner and that exes can be friends but this is weird! I would not feel comfortable with my boyfriend’s ex staying at his house for days. It also makes it worse that he didn’t even ask you how you felt about her staying with him. I think you should have a conversation about how this makes you uncomfortable, maybe offer a compromise on how maybe it’s best she stays at a hotel. If he pushes back or says she’s staying at his house and doesn’t consider your feelings, I would then suggest to you that you decide if this is a dealbreaker for you. Because the more important thing is him being considerate of your feelings and also just of the general weirdness.

I think you should definitely talk to him about being considerate about how you feel. To make a decision like that on his own without your input and taking her to all of your guys’ favorite spots is really weird! Especially if he’s being defensive about it.

What was their relationship like? If it was a long time ago and not that serious then they probably just see each other as friends who happened to date a while ago. I think he should hear your feelings and try to understand where you're coming from, not in the sense that you can dictate his decisions on where she stays and what they do but just validate your feelings, hear your perspective and reassure you. I think once you talk it through you'll probably feel a lot better about it. And it's good that he wants to include you in activities.

I hate this so much lol

Yup it just sucks cuz I’m literally any angel like I wouldn’t even dream of putting him anywhere near a situation like this. I’ve changed so much purely so he would never have to stress or feel like he can’t trust me but I feel like he’s exactly the same as when he was single. I don’t want to tell him what to do I’ve never been that person but yeah it’s the not being considerate that gets me & is causing me to overthink which isn’t fair. I do trust him but when situations like this keep happening I’d be lying if I said I’m not second guessing

@Wanderlustxo I would not date someone who doesn’t ever seem to put me or my feelings first. The moment I start realizing that im a second-thought decision I am absolutely out. My partner is my #1 person and if you’re going to ride along for the rest of each others lives, you better be able to depend on each other through pretty much everything. That ex of his should in no way be making you feel insecure and it’s because he is not going about it in a way to make YOUR feelings come first. Ugh, no offence but he sucks. I remember when I first started dating my partner he was uncomfortable with my ex and i being friends because his ex would be shady with her ex boyfriend so he had a bit of trauma. I said absolutely no problem, I told my ex “hey im dating someone new so we can’t talk anymore” and it was just never something I had to consider. All my friends are male, I sleep over at their house without my bf there, or they’ll sleep over at mine so it’s not about control but boundaries - there’s certain things that trigger him that I just do respect. But if you got a boundary with exes then your partner is supposed to honour your feelings - period.

Thanks girls this helped a lot ❤️

You are stronger than me I could not put up with this