Long one but I want to know if my feelings are off about this or justified. My boyfriend and I just went on a trip to the UK and for the last 3 days we stayed in London with my bf's college friends at their flat (who I've spent time with on a couple occasions including going to their wedding and I had a lovely time.) Just a couple things I thought were weird and I guess, impolite about their behavior (mainly the woman.) When we arrived in London and showed up at their flat no one was home to let us in although we kept them updated on our travels and when we expected to be there. Apparently she had gone on a run and told him to wait for us but he went to get food. Off the bat this sort of made us feel unwelcome and we were like maybe we should just get a hotel instead while we awkwardly waited outside with our luggage. Obviously, they are doing us a huge favor by letting us stay with them and if I wanted 5 star treatment or whatever we should have booked a hotel and I didn't expect them to go out of their way, but just being home at all to meet us seemed kind of basic. It's something I'd do for a guest staying with me. Second thing was going out to dinner one night at a really nice Indian restaurant, according to our friends its family style so they ordered a few dishes to share (it was 6 of us in the party.) I was starving after a long day out so maybe I was just hangry but it seemed to me like the wife and her friends took their fill from each dish and by the time it got to me at the end of the table there wasn't much left. This is definitely cultural and how I was brought up but I didn't feel comfortable finishing a dish or taking a lot at all because I'd want to make sure everyone had enough. So I only took a little and needless to say I was still hungry at the end of the meal. She announced "I think we ordered the perfect amount" so at that point I would have felt super awkward asking for more. Is this just me having clashing cultural expectations about hospitality? Or would anyone else have felt the same? Besides this we were super grateful that they hosted us as they don't have much space, and I'd never want to be a burden on a friend. The husband in general was a very thoughtful host taking us to breakfast and stuff, making sure the window shades were closed so we could sleep well and things like that. I just feel like I put more effort into making sure my guests are comfortable and in my culture not having enough food for everyone is HUGE no-no.

i definitely would have felt weird about your first point, especially since they know you’re in a new country with no car or anything, i feel like it’s bare minimum to wait for your guest to arrive. ESPECIALLY in those circumstances. for your second point, it definitely sounds like a frustrating situation to be in, i think i would have been the same - in not taking as much food. it might just be me but in situations like that i feel like a guest to their friendship group. but a few dishes for 6 people is a bit odd, as someone from the UK, usually i have a dish per person? unless they were extra large portions?

I think this is definitely an uncomfortable situation. I’ve always been greeted by hosts when I stay with friends or with family. Especially when it’s in another country and I’m without transportation. I do think it was inconsiderate of them to have kept you waiting with your luggage outside their house when they knew you guys were coming. The food situation is also weird and uncomfortable. I think maybe it was a cultural thing because I also wouldn’t have taken very much food and definitely not seconds until everyone else had had their fill. I think maybe take this situation as a learning experience and next time insist on ordering your own food/dish.

Clearly they have not watched the iconic scene from Gavin and Stacey {XtWz7hNFM}

Them not being home to welcome you in when you’ve been keeping them up to date about your whereabouts is absolutely crazy to me. I would be so offended.. some friends they are to keep you waiting as well. I fully get going for your day and maybe zoning out and forgetting but I would return home immediately if I had someone waiting for me. However I’d think it’s weird to forget as well, because for me personally I would want to make sure the guests are all comfortable and have a clean room ready for them.. 😅 The food situation is weird, but maybe they weren’t aware? It could also be a cultural thing, and maybe clouded because you had a bad experience with them prior to it. Maybe that’s why it felt like they were targeting you? I would not hold that against them unless you are sure they are that type of people.

Definitely don’t think it’s a cultural thing though, I’m from the UK and typically will meet guests to my city at the train station, or would at least be in my flat to welcome them! For the food it’s a little odd they didn’t get enough to have a main for each person or the equivalent in sides. Come up north next time we’re friendlier☺️

@Awg1 me too and 100% agree

and i believe she came to york!

I agree, those points are valid and I’d likely feel the exact same way. I haven’t been outside of the US so I’m not sure if it’s cultural, but it very well could be! However the husband acting better makes me second guess that..

@onthepillxo I did go to York!

And thank you everyone, I'm glad I'm not crazy lol

You’re not crazy. Them not being there when you arrived was rude, but sounds like it was down to a miscommunication between the two of them/carelessness and not intentional. The food thing is kinda weird I’m assuming she made she got enough to eat and assumed everyone else did too without paying attention to others. In my opinion that’s inconsiderate and kinda selfish. I don’t think that’s a cultural thing. You can be grateful they gave you a place to stay and also be annoyed that they were inconsiderate and rude too. That’s not how I’d treat guests personally but if every other interaction with them has been nice then I’d take it as just a once off slip thing.