Delimma with flat mates and I don't know how to deal with it... I moved into a flat with my boyfriend 'A', my 'best friend', 'K' and another friend 'S' (really a friend of the best friend) in September. We had agreed that we were staying in the flat over the summer and into next year, but yesterday S messaged the groupchat asking when she can move out and when she has to pay rent till - we explained if she moved out before us, she's responsible for finding someone to replace her. She argued about this because she was intending to move home in may, pay rent over the summer and be done - she apparently hadn't read the contract (or listened when we told her) to see that the flat isn't a fixed term let, so that's not how it works. So that was stressful but whatever. I then heard S and K bitching about my boyfriend and I (the walls and doors are pretty thin), saying we can't talk about anything and that's why they messaged the groupchat, that they're uncomfortable, that we're immature etc etc. I messaged them just saying that the walls are thing because I would have cried if I went in to say anything. My boyfriend took me out for a walk and a drink and that helped. We talked it out and we're thinking of telling them this week that we want to move out before summer but I'm not sure how to go about it - that would suit S but idk what K will do (and honestly I don't really care atm). How would be best to approach this? (Going to continue in comments because this is already very long)

I've been friends with K since the start of first year (now halfway through second/technically third for me as I skipped a year) but throughout that time she has actually been a pretty crap friend. She thinks my boyfriend is 'immature' because he gets upset/angry when she viciously insults him/makes fun of him as a 'joke'. She thinks I can't talk to her cuz when I go into her room, she stares at me blankly most of the time, and if I go into the same room as S and K they go silent. She's physically abusive to S (hits, scratches, bites her until she bleeds) and only isn't to me because I laid into her for that - S won't let anyone say anything to her because she's in love with K. They're both inconsiderate and come home screaming and laughing from a night out at 4 am, when they're cackling and screaming in the flat on a weekday when my boyfriend and I have a lot of uni work to do - it's our fault we didn't work earlier or something. I don't remember either of them took out a bin bag, my bf and I did a flat deep clean before Xmas and both of them left without helping, and K smokes in her room despite being repeatedly asked not to (at one point I said I could smell it, she said 'you were too stupid to realise for the last 6 days apparently', but I had just been too uncomfortable to say anything until that point because of the reaction). K also bitches about S and her relationship behind her back, talks about how she's 'so east to manipulate' cuz she's still in love with K, as well as her thinking that S is using her gf and doesn't love her etc. K is also having sex with a lot of people rn (no judgement) but without any sort of protection and without being tested - I've given up on trying to get her to be responsible. I've been uncomfortable in my own flat since day one tbh. Is leaving K to do whatever she wants bad? She doesn't really have any other friends to live with except S, but she's also taking a year out of uni so may or may not go home. I just don't think I can deal with living with someone who treats people like this, and my own flat has become horribly 'cliquey'. My plan this year is also to get closer with my friends on my course, and really am not bothered if I'm not friends with S and K, as S is really K's friend anyway, and it just turns out K is a really shit one. I'm a bit worried because I do tend to get a bit scorched earth when friends turn out to not be good, and so far I've been pretty terrible at choosing friends in my life... Sorry for the length, it's ridiculous - but am I thinking of doing the right thing?

I think it makes sense to move out, but if your terms for S moving out are for her to find a replacement you and your boyfriend need to do that as well. This is an awful situation but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re responsible for your part of the flat.

@schwa oh no, definitely - if anyone is staying in the flat, we'll be finding a replacement. But S doesn't actually want to have the flat over the summer, and I don't think K will want to stay with strangers (fairly sure she'll just go home over the summer) so I have a feeling we'll be giving the flat up. We'll be figuring all that out when we have a proper chat I guess

@timecat I see, that makes sense. I think all you can do is just be honest about where you’re at and what your course of action will be, and go from there.

Did I read this correctly? Your friend is physically abusive to her friend/flatmate?? Why on earth would you be friends with this person??? Get out of there fast girl

@aurielle Ive really realised she's a terrible person... She has a lot of mental health issues which I let be an excuse for her behaviour (though I did tell her when things weren't okay) and I've realised that's a terrible thing to do, and mental health problems are not an excuse to be a sh*t person Am now very excited to move out, and don't think I'll be losing much in not being friends

@timecat I feel like we would never tolerate living with a physically abusive partner and an abusive friend is just as bad and unsafe, who knows if she could end up hurting you too?

@aurielle I've never thought of it that way, but that's true! She plays it off as 'play fighting' but she leaves people with bruises and scratches, and bit S on her finger in front of people, causing her to bleed and leaving a scar. It's just not on Her moods are also so hard to deal with, some days she's great and fun, other days snappy and rude (she's rude most of the time as that's her 'sense of humour') and others just drifts around the flat blanking people. Just too stressful I think I've put up with her because at times she's great which makes the bad times and the bitching seem a lot less bad - but it was the same thing with my abusive father and ex, so trying to remember that!