Hi everyone so just wanted an opinion So my boyfriend and I, I have like kind of a “traditional” expectation in a relationship, he provides, I stay home etc I’ve made that clear from the start and he’s always agreed Ofcourse it’s not like ridiculous, if he’s having a tough month I’ll pitch in as much as I can, ofcourse if I’m feeling sick or tired he’s gonna cook and clean But traditional in a way where like we’ve set rules in a relationship where we’ve both agreed that the man (him) should pay, it’s not 50/50 because I don’t do 50/50 And like if he’s hungry I cook, I’m responsible for the house Ofcourse we both respect each other and help but it’s like roles we both agree and respect each other on However, I’m not really a leader in a relationship, I want my boyfriend to like be the one in control (not of me lol) but like in what we’re gonna do, where we’re gonna go I want my boyfriend to take me on surprise dates or to just like lead me (I don’t know if that makes sense) Is that too much to ask? Like I don’t know if I’m putting too much responsibility for that Ofcourse I reciprocate in other ways and return the favor, I never intend my relationship to be one sided that would be unfair Basically like He already pays for practically everything, he always protects me and makes sure I’m safe and get home safe, i make sure that like he’s never hungry since he doesn’t have time to order food or make himself something (he works from home), I make him coffee when we wake up, I make sure to clean around while he works so the environment is calmer for him Idk it’s a dynamic that works really well for me Keep in mind I do work, on days I work ofcourse he doesn’t expect me to do those things and I always will offer to pay because my intention is not to take advantage of him Would it be unfair of me to tell my boyfriend to initiate/lead more ? Like more dates, more activities together I don’t wanna be the only one to tell him “let’s go do this” “let’s go do that” I never expect him to take me out during his work days but on his days off yeah I want him to take more initiative but I don’t want to ask him if it might put stress on him What do you guys think?

No it's not unfair to ask your partner to initiate plans and dates sometimes, even if you're not in traditional gender role relationship that's a reasonable expectation. Both partners should be taking the initiative and making plans. A relationship is not just about who provides financially or who does the housework, there is an emotional load that gets shared as well.

Have you talked to him about this before? I think it’s perfectly reasonable wanting to be “asked” out on a date and be surprised even if you’ve been together for a long time.

@Yi_eune yeah thank you I’ll speak with him about it tonight 🫶🏻

Just curious I assume you’re working or in school? How old are you both?

@Awg1 he’s 29 I’m 22 ! :)