I’m pretty upset. My boyfriend’s grandpa passed away and his funeral is this week. I told him I would like to go to show support to his family. He got his ticket without telling me and said he’s leaving on whatever day (he will also probably be hanging out with his friends etc). And his family loves me! I told him that made me upset and he said that he’s sorry and he thought that I didn’t really wana spend so much money last minute to go to a state that’s boring and nothing much to do.

Funerals are a really challenging time both emotionally and logistically with arranging all the last minute travel. He probably just wanted to book it and get it sorted without the hassle of coordinating with anyone. Since he is dealing with the loss of a loved one I would really try not to make it about yourself right now. Also, there' no reason you couldn't still go (if he wants you to) just booking your travel separately.

I was about to say the same as @aurielle. This isn’t about you. I lost my grandma 3 months ago and went into a state where I was focussing on what’s best for me in that moment. It’s hectic. It’s emotional. You should cut him some slack. If you want to go, then go, but don’t put expectations on your partner. Let him handle his grief.

If you want to go then go. It’s his family and he’s going to be spending longer with them than you would need to so obviously he only booked for himself. Honestly, I think you’re being unfair by expecting him to put you first at this time. He’s prioritising his family and his grief. Be there to support him and make his life easier during this difficult time.

I agree with the others I don’t think you should make it about yourself. People grieve differently and this is still a pretty new relationship, maybe he would prefer going to the funeral or spending time with just his family or hometown friends at this time

@awg1 but if you think that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person (which he has told me), wouldn’t you want to bring them to these things?

Not necessarily, it can be more stressful to have to think of another person’s comfort, schedule, needs, etc. during such a time. And it’s great that he’s said he wants to spend his life with you but that doesn’t change the fact that you haven’t been dating for very long and are still getting to know each other. I would just try and support him and not read into any of this—he’s suffered a death in his family, this isn’t about you.

@Emotal no. I’ve been with my boyfriend for just over a year and I did not want him to attend my grandma’s funeral. Family only. I think it’s really bad you’re trying to make this about yourself and only think about your own feelings when he is the one that lost a family member. Take a step back please.

My grandma passed away when my boyfriend and I had been dating 1.5 years (and even lived together) and I did not invite him to the funeral. Funerals are really intense and personal and I didn't feel it was appropriate for his first time meeting my extended family to be during this time of grief.