hey guys, just wanting some outside perspective on if my feelings are valid or if i’m overreacting. i’ve posted before about a friend i had who i felt was just not giving any energy into our friendship. she refuses to hang out, cancels plans last second, and then won’t even reach out or call first. we didn’t talk for probably 4 months, and then we mutually apologized and decided to move past it. we rarely talk now, because she has a new boyfriend. when we have been friends (going on 12 years!), she has never spent the night at my house. she refuses to “leave her mom” so we’ve never been able to go out of town, have sleepovers, or anything of that nature. with her new boyfriend, she has 2 trips planned out of state (including one on my college graduation party) and didn’t tell me about it until i brought it up first. she also refuses to share any information about him with me, so i know literally NOTHING about him or about their relationship. should i stop being her friend? am i overreacting by feeling upset about her being so willing to go out of state with him (bf of 4 ish months) and not me (friend of 12+ years)?

Yes let her go. Her actions are pretty clear. Friendship works both ways and if you’re the only one trying to make it work then it’s just not working. Absolutely not overreacting, this is really hurtful. I personally think friendship break ups are often worse than relationship break ups. But unfortunately people ditching friends after getting into a relationship is really common. Protect yourself and stop putting your time and energy into someone who’s no longer worth it. I have been in a similar situation, a long time friend just slowly stopped responding to me and removed me from her life despite my best efforts, and 4+ years later I’m still a bit gutted over it. But life moves on 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think it’s time to let them go and not get involved again. It’s not worth the energy. Focus on yourself, there are plenty of people who can be a real friend

I don't think that not having sleepovers is a big deal but she should definitely communicate with you about missing your party if she's gonna be out of town. It sounds like there was some other reason for not wanting to travel out of town with you. I agree with the above though, a friend that doesn't really communicate with you and doesn't tell you anything isn't really a friend. Sounds like she is already distancing herself from the friendship on her end.

@aurielle No I agree, I wouldn’t say the not sleeping over part is a big deal itself, but I just meant it feels like there’s another reason to not. She had always been too anxious to spend too much time with me overnight because of her mom (who she lives with and has no risk or anything), but is fully willing and excited to travel out of state for the first time with her boyfriend of a few months. She wouldn’t even go to a theme park with me that’s an hour from here.. :(

You’ll feel so much better in the end when you cut it off!!