TW - emotionally abusive relationship Hi all. It’s been a while. I’ve finally (after 2 years of hell) decided to leave my emotionally unstable and abusive partner. It’s been coming for a while, but certain things have held me back. I’m hoping to leave today to get to my parents. I’ve made a list of things I need to take, such as clothes, medications and my pets. Can anybody else recommend any important items I may have missed? He’s an alcoholic who is currently on day 6 of being stone cold sober. Before, the alcohol made him angry and emotionally abusive towards me. I snapped and said it was me or the drink, so ok, he stopped. But now we sit in silence, only exchanging odd words. He’s snappy and his only response is “whatever. I’m so bored of it and it’s killing my mental health. Downside, is that we own a home together. Has anybody got any experience in working around this? The mortgage is in both names, but the amount comes out of my account monthly, preventing me from renting anywhere. I’m lucky to have my parents just 30 minutes away. Sorry to come here posting a very negative story. Any advice would be most appreciated.

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through, but I'm really proud of you for making the decision to leave that toxic situation. It sounds like you've already thought about the essentials like clothes, medications, and your pets. In addition to those, you might want to consider important documents like your ID, passport, financial information, and any sentimental items that are important to you. Regarding the house situation, it's good that you have your parents nearby for support. You may want to seek legal advice on how to handle the mortgage and property ownership. There are resources available to help you navigate this process. Stay strong, and take care of yourself. You are making a brave and positive choice for your well-being

I recommend contacting a DA organisation in your area as they will likely be able to advise on lawyers or legalities for your home in an emotionally abusive situation where you cannot stay in the house, I believe as you’re not married it’ll be a little easier and you should be able to force a sale. Sorry you’re going through this, but well done for taking the steps to leave! I hope everything goes ok x

Honestly this isn't a negative post at all, I'm so happy to see you're leaving after everything you've been through. I agree about taking financial and legal documents with you too, for example if you own a car take the title and registration, take proof the the mortgage payments and bills and things like that if you don't have them electronically. Wishing you all the best and hope it goes well.

Take all of your financial and legal documents with you (car title, insurance cards, social security card, birth certificate, passport, etc). And at minimum copies of any joint documents you don’t have electronically (mortgage, car titles where you’re both on the title or loan, a current statement or printed account summary for any joint accounts or joint credit cards) and just if he has any of your individual credit or debit card numbers that only you are listed on, personally I would just put a hold on them then report them lost so they give you a new card number and he can’t use them without your consent. It’ll be annoying to change any auto pay accounts you have set up, but it will protect you because you never know how petty someone like that will get in a break up. And if he is an authorized user or signer on any of your accounts make sure to remove him and remove him as your emergency contact at work, clinic, etc. Because you own a home together, once you are safely away you should contact a lawyer to sort out the mortgage. If you have proof that you are the one that has been making the payments, that could work in your favor with it. Congrats on moving into a new more positive chapter in your life. It’s not easy, and we’re all proud of you! 💜

Update, I’m still here. I was going to leave whilst he was in the bath, but I couldn’t get the stuff to the car in time including pets. We try again today ❤️

& thank you all for the advice. I didn’t even think of legal documents!

Keep us updated. Agree with the all the advice above, especially to get legal advice regarding the house and finances. Does he contribute to the mortgage payments? Wishing you the best x

These resources have some more info on safely leaving and what to take with {ITZ2j8NEN} {qTZ2j8NR9}

How are you doing?