Please any advice!! For the past few years I’ve experience painful sex and just pain in every aspect of getting intimate. I get pain before hand - almost like a period pain feeling and then penetration is so painful and causes bleeding every-time and then also pain for days after. I know this isn’t normal but I have been to the drs and had loads of scans and tests and they can’t find anything. It’s tough and is starting to affect my relationship as I’m just constantly in pain. I’ve tried being on the pill, off the pill and nothing helps! I’ve had the same partner for nearly 5 years and I’ve had all the tests. Has anyone experienced something similar and found a solution? I’m getting desperate!!

Are you getting 20+ minutes of foreplay focusing on you? Are you feeling physically and mentally aroused? Have you tried penetration after having an orgasm?

Yes to all the above, when I saw we’ve tried everything it’s just nothing seems to help :(

Hmm. Has it been like this since you started having sex? Cause you said the past few years. The period pain before hand, when does that start? Is there something that happens that causes that pain? Have you tried taking penetrative sex off the table and being intimate in other types of ways? So like the you don’t have the pressure of that pain that comes with it and can relax more. Pain in every aspect makes me think it’s a medical issue. But idk. Sounds really really frustrating I’m sorry. I hope you find a solution

Sometimes when you’ve tried many things that don’t work, giving up on “trying” can be a good next step. I’m wondering if the pain you feel before even starting sex (if I’m interpreting that right) is a somatic symptom. Somatic issues are very real and distressing, but don’t always have an explainable reason (like something that would show up on a scan). It’s more of a mind-body connection type thing. Have you ever talked about this with a therapist? Just because of how distressing it is in general. I know you mentioned bleeding and other physical symptoms so it seems there’s probably several factors at play/it’s not all somatic. Like @stinaaa said I wonder what taking penetration off the table would do for you, both mentally and physically. Do these things happen when you touch yourself? What about small toys?

I know this is probably frustrating feedback but the desperation you feel to achieve this thing will only make matters worse most likely. So much of sex is mental which is why finding ways to take the pressure off would be helpful, at least while you take time to keep exploring what could be causing this. Is vaginismus something you’ve looked into?