So my bf (24) and I (25) have been together for almost two years, we live together and everything. I was his first kiss and everything so he doesn’t have any experience at all. Well, the man never wants to go down on me, he tries to finger me and even with my help it’s just not arousing always and just too hard?? and he doesn’t initiate four play very well. Tonight I brought it up to him cuz I try to explain things he can do and he tries but when I asked him why he never goes down on me he says it’s because every time he has, the next day he ends up sick. I feel so sad now and I honestly can’t get over it. I know I’m not “making him sick”. I never made my exes sick?? I’m really hurt. Now he says he will do it but I’m not at all in the mood now especially since it feels like if he does do it it’s just cuz I said something. I love it when my partner WANTS to do it and get like excited about it. I’m stupidly upset about this. I want to preface this by saying my bf is a very great guy - I love him and he said he didn’t want to say but I asked him to just tell me why. He can clearly tell how upset I am as I’ve had to make some space between the two of us for tonight.

It might be helpful to have a calm and understanding conversation with him to explore these issues further and find a solution that works for both of you. Remember that relationships involve compromise and understanding from both partners. It's okay to feel upset, but try to approach the situation with empathy and open communication to work through any challenges together.

What does he mean sick? Like what kind of sick? I know that you are invested in this person and relationship but for me at least, not getting sexually satisfied is a dealbreaker for me. And a guy who won't go down on me is just not a relationship I would stay in. I completely agree, I get the most pleasure from sex with partners who actively WANT to and enjoy pleasing me, and I won't really have sex with anyone who doesn't feel that way.

@aurielle sick as in he thinks he gets like a cold every time the next day (I have never had this issue with past partners)

You don’t get a cold from going down on someone 😭😂 sounds like he is making excuses. Don’t waste your time on a guy that doesn’t want to pleasure in any way shape or form. You shouldn’t have to beg to be sexually satisfied.

@Gymgirl yeah that is not a thing, if he's getting sick from you it would be from regular kissing. Your vulva doesn't contain the cold virus 💀

I’m gonna have to tell him to just do some research on his own cuz I’m very put off by this - he was trying to start something last night and I didn’t give any response so he stopped - I just don’t want to do anything sexual right now after being told that…

Just wondering since it is his first time with someone sexually,, hes either awkward about going down on you or he doesn’t like vaj juice smell or he has a weird allergy to it lol. just stating possibilities

@Gymgirl Hi there, That’s perfectly normal. He’s just not into that form of sexual pleasure. Perhaps you both just need to play around and find stuff that is good for him and yourself. Relationships are tricky there has to be a lot of communication between the pair of you for it to run smoothly. He may just not like the taste or have a weakened gag reflex. You could try other things like some dressing up or a little bdsm?