TW: violence, possibly abu$e - - - - i’m so sorry, i don’t know where else to turn to. i feel like im going crazy and i just don’t know what to do. my husband and i have been married for almost a year now. he is a bad alcoholic and gets mean when he drinks. back in october he started working as a deputy for our county sheriffs office. he absolutely loved that job but would still drink when he wasn’t working. one night it got really bad and we got into an argument and he was saying awful things to me, calling me names, cussing me out, etc. at one point he tried to cut off the shirt i was wearing with a pair of scissors. then later on that night he poured a beer over my head and then told me to clean it up, then went and got in the shower. instead, i was in shock, and drove to his parents house (they don’t live far) and showed up covered in beer and barely able to talk because i was in so much shock. i don’t remember a lot of details of that night but he was blowing mine and his parents phones, and his mom ended up calling the cops on him because he was acting crazy. of course it was the county that he worked for that we live in, so he ended up getting fired the next day cause he was discharging a firearm when the cops got there (and discharging a firearm while intoxicated is a crime). ever since then, life has been less than stellar. it’s been almost 10 months and he still has not gotten another job, i’m a teachers aide so i don’t make a lot of money but i’ve been paying for basically all food and household things. he still drinks every day despite health concerns, and he has been getting drunk and kicking me out of our house for the past month. it just happened again, and i am at my parents house, covered in beer because i refused to leave the house until he poured it all over me, then i left. he has called me all sorts of names, constantly accuses me of cheating on him (which i never have and never will) yet he is always saying he’d rather go back to his ex or mess around with other women (one time he even went as far as taking down our ring cameras on the front of our house and sending me a text to make it sound like another woman was texting me from his phone) and that hurt like hell. he has never hit me/punched me, just pushed me around but most of it is verbal. did i make a mistake that night back in november, leaving the house and causing the chain of events that led to him losing his job? he blames me for everything and i’ve believed it for the longest time despite my family telling me otherwise. did i cause all of this to happen? and one final question, is this really abuse or am i just overreacting? our families have said we probably should separate for a little bit, and i know everything i talked about is awful (and there’s more i could get into, im just tired of typing and words aren’t wanting to come), but he is still my husband and i still love him more than anything. id honestly rather not live at all than have to live without him, but im also in such a tough spot right now. im so sorry for the length and content of this post, i just don’t know where else to vent. thank you for reading this, and all comments are appreciated.

I would also like to add that i have been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder. i’ve had these since before i even got married, but my living situation isn’t helping any of it. i know my brain processes things a lot differently than some others, but maybe i am just crazy and overreacting? im just not sure anymore. i feel absolutely crazy, but i am seeing a psychiatrist and will have meds and therapy soon. just wanted to add

You did what you had to do. You’ve done NOTHING wrong. He was incredibly unfit for the job he had. He is actually insane. It’s only a matter of time before he really gets physical, he’s already attempted to come at you with scissors. You need to leave. Please file for divorce. Things are never going to get better. Please protect yourself and get as far away as possible. Abuse often starts like this and a lot of women who stay don’t get to survive.

I know thinking of a life without him is probably scary and unimaginable to you but it’s possibly what you need. None of these things that he has done are good for you or your relationship. It’s not your fault either he had it coming with his behavior and was not qualified for his job. Put yourself first and let him handle his own life without letting him drag you down with him. You are not responsible for his actions even as his wife.

TW: domestic violence, death This is abuse. It is not your fault, AT ALL. You are not overreacting. You are not crazy. He is making you feel crazy and manipulating you into thinking you're to blame because HE IS ABUSIVE. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You can live without him and I will go as far to say that you NEED to leave him to stay alive. Cops are notorious for committing violence against their partners and he's already been reckless with a firearm. The abuse will get worse. You are in danger. You don't need to separate for a while, you need to leave him and get a restraining order and get very very far away from him.

Please get away from this man!! Once you do you’ll realize how awful his behavior has been and that this is NOT what a relationship should be like!! If you need to tell yourself you’re only leaving “temporarily” in order to get the strength to do that, that’s fine. But please please please leave!!! You are in danger and even if he were to never escalate to physical violence this is not what a relationship should be like. Think about being 20 years down the road and still living this way—is that really what you want? Yes, leaving is hard but it’ll be the best thing you’ve ever done and in 20 years you’ll look back on this and be so so relieved you got out!! I’ve been there and I got out and I’m so grateful for it. Sending you lots of strength to do what you also know is the right thing!!!

You did nothing wrong, you were protecting yourself. It’s best for the people of your county that he was fired from the police department, he is unfit for that job with his aggression. Please leave, this is absolutely abuse and you do not know how far he’ll go until he does. I know you said you’d rather not live than live a life without him, but remember that there was a life you lived before him and there will be a life to live after him. The best thing you can do is leave. It is not going to get better. None of what he is saying to you or doing to you is love. I know you love him, but do you feel loved back? You are worth so much more than this.

You have made no mistakes, he just can’t deal with the consequences of his sh!tty actions and is instead blaming you. Yes this is absolutely abuse. You are in an abusive relationship. You are not overreacting, you are under reacting - your life is at risk, genuinely. Please please please leave this situation. He has attacked you with a scissors and has discharged a firearm while under the influence. He is fully capable of doing that and worse again. This man is a danger to you, please listen to your family and get away from him.

Do you have an update? I’ve been thinking about you.