You’re not behind and you’re not old. While I understand this break up can be painful I do think it’s for the best. You’ve had so many issues within your relationship and struggles for yourself. These sabotage your relationships. It’s time to grieve and work on yourself, maybe finally see that therapist people have been recommending to you for a very long time. Don’t rely on a relationship to make you feel better, because it’s not going to. Become your own best friend and get comfortable being yourself.