Hey everybody. I just need some advice from an outside perspective. I posted a while ago about the same friend, and everyone told me to cut her off as it was one sided. Well, I did that, but I’m starting to feel a little bit guilty for the way I did it.
For those of you who didn’t see it before. I had a friend for almost 13 years. Her and I were basically inseparable for the first 8 years of our friendship. We did everything imaginable together, walking through middle and high school and into college with each other as support. I really did enjoy her company and find her to be an amazing friend at that time. She drove me around when I couldn’t drive, she helped me move around to different homes, she joined clubs for me and worked with me, she was always there for any issue I had, and I did my best to do the same for her.
I really noticed about 3 ish years ago, though, that this friend had a serious issue with flaking on me. Anytime I attempted to make plans, she would cancel. Either a medical problem, a family issue, or she’d just not show up/cancel as I’m leaving the house. We would do school events together, and she’d leave me to do it alone (even when we did dress up days in high school. I’d be dressed up by myself.) She was my ride to my senior prom, and she flaked about 30 minutes before I was supposed to leave the house. I had to speak at a huge event by myself for this club we ran TOGETHER (i’m talking speaking to over 5,000 people on stage alone and she didn’t show up to that.) My family had even started to realize this was a habit and felt bad for me a little bit. Once we really got into college, she was a mostly online student, and I was in person. I’d attempt to make plans to do work together or just get dinner or coffee, but alas, nothing ever came out of it. I even invited her to a get together I had with some new friends I made, and she said I never invited her to begin with. I’ve been with my newest partner for a year on August 20th, and she met him one time. He asked to get together with her partner for dinner, and she declined.
My final straw was a huge event that was held for me to celebrate my college graduation. She told me she would be there, and never showed up. No apology, no explanation. Nothing. I had family in town from 16 hours north of where I live asking where she was.. and I waited and waited and never saw her. I gave her about 5 days to reach out, and she didn’t say anything. She had some serious health issues going on with some relatives (that I really tried to be supportive about, asking for updates and whatnot. She didn’t want to discuss), which was I assume the reason for missing it, but I never really got that clarity. So I chose to remove her on social media for a while. I went to potentially apologize and discuss a few days after that and found I was entirely blocked, not just unfollowed.
That event was about 4 months ago now. We haven’t spoken since. I feel really guilty for just removing her and not communicating how I felt, but in previous cases where this was an issue, I had told her my exact feelings and she had promised to work on them- she just didn’t. I cannot decide if I should attempt to reach out and apologize for potentially dismissing her at a time of need with family, or if I should just move on from that friendship and accept it may have not been my fault. What do I do?