Hey everybody. I just need some advice from an outside perspective. I posted a while ago about the same friend, and everyone told me to cut her off as it was one sided. Well, I did that, but I’m starting to feel a little bit guilty for the way I did it. For those of you who didn’t see it before. I had a friend for almost 13 years. Her and I were basically inseparable for the first 8 years of our friendship. We did everything imaginable together, walking through middle and high school and into college with each other as support. I really did enjoy her company and find her to be an amazing friend at that time. She drove me around when I couldn’t drive, she helped me move around to different homes, she joined clubs for me and worked with me, she was always there for any issue I had, and I did my best to do the same for her. I really noticed about 3 ish years ago, though, that this friend had a serious issue with flaking on me. Anytime I attempted to make plans, she would cancel. Either a medical problem, a family issue, or she’d just not show up/cancel as I’m leaving the house. We would do school events together, and she’d leave me to do it alone (even when we did dress up days in high school. I’d be dressed up by myself.) She was my ride to my senior prom, and she flaked about 30 minutes before I was supposed to leave the house. I had to speak at a huge event by myself for this club we ran TOGETHER (i’m talking speaking to over 5,000 people on stage alone and she didn’t show up to that.) My family had even started to realize this was a habit and felt bad for me a little bit. Once we really got into college, she was a mostly online student, and I was in person. I’d attempt to make plans to do work together or just get dinner or coffee, but alas, nothing ever came out of it. I even invited her to a get together I had with some new friends I made, and she said I never invited her to begin with. I’ve been with my newest partner for a year on August 20th, and she met him one time. He asked to get together with her partner for dinner, and she declined. My final straw was a huge event that was held for me to celebrate my college graduation. She told me she would be there, and never showed up. No apology, no explanation. Nothing. I had family in town from 16 hours north of where I live asking where she was.. and I waited and waited and never saw her. I gave her about 5 days to reach out, and she didn’t say anything. She had some serious health issues going on with some relatives (that I really tried to be supportive about, asking for updates and whatnot. She didn’t want to discuss), which was I assume the reason for missing it, but I never really got that clarity. So I chose to remove her on social media for a while. I went to potentially apologize and discuss a few days after that and found I was entirely blocked, not just unfollowed. That event was about 4 months ago now. We haven’t spoken since. I feel really guilty for just removing her and not communicating how I felt, but in previous cases where this was an issue, I had told her my exact feelings and she had promised to work on them- she just didn’t. I cannot decide if I should attempt to reach out and apologize for potentially dismissing her at a time of need with family, or if I should just move on from that friendship and accept it may have not been my fault. What do I do?

I mean she hasn’t reached out to you either. From your post you’ve listed like 10 times she’s not been there for you or flaked on you and I’m sure there’s many more instances you haven’t mentioned. She’s repeatedly shown you are not a priority or even a consideration for her. If you’ve explained multiple times how you feel and she has not changed, then you didn’t just remove her from social media without explanation or communication - you’ve expressed your feelings multiple times before then. I think you’re blaming yourself for no reason, you’ve only remained friends for so long because you’ve repeatedly let her poor behaviour slide. I fully get it’s hard to let go of her, especially when you have such fond memories of her from years ago. But she’s not the person she used to be and I think you just need to accept that and let her go. I had a similar situation where a very good friend slowly stopped talking to me for no reason, when I brought it up she said it was on her and nothing to do with me. I haven’t spoken to her in like 4/5 years now and it still stings. I would absolutely take her back into my life in a heartbeat but like you I poured so much effort into keeping a dying relationship alive, with zero reciprocation, and I had to put myself first. I have no regrets because I spent years trying, it’s not on me, but I now put that effort into amazing people who actually put effort back into me. I actually think friend break ups are worse than relationship break ups in many ways, one reason is cos you never expect/consider that friendship ending and that person not being in your life anymore. But friendship works both ways and needs effort from both sides. You deserve a friend who actually wants to be your friend and acts like it. Say nothing and let her go honey x

Exactly what @bluerose9 said. I don't usually recommend cutting people off without explanation, but you DID communicate your concerns. It wasn't without explanation. There really is nothing you can do if she isn't willing to work on the friendship. You don't need to constantly be the person reaching out to work things through, you've done enough of that. If she wants to reach out to repair, that's great, but you've done everything you can.

@aurielle Probably about 5 months before the final straw, we had the falling out where I invited her and she claimed I didn’t. I expressed my upset and she didn’t say anything. I even decided not to reach out for probably a month, then I voiced all my issues with her flaking on me and feeling like she didn’t care, and she apologized and said she was “giving me space since she knew i was upset”. I voiced what I needed in our friendship and she promised to work on it. Then never did.

It’s time to move on. She didn’t reach out to you either, so why would you feel bad? I’m sorry to tell you but she doesn’t care else she would have reached out

I think it’s for the better & you reacted correctly, she flaked on you when you needed her the most in some cases you explained, her not reaching out to you kinda shows how much she cares about you guys’ friendship when you did nothing wrong.

I appreciate everybody’s kind words and advice. I agree with you all, she hasn’t reached out to me either.. I just have a hard time viewing it from the perspective that way.

@dragonflyy_f it’s totally normal, sometimes the best thing to do is also one of the hardest things to do. You’re doing the right thing for you. It will get easier with time x