Asked my boyfriend for a break last night cause I'm not in a good place mentally and its hit a point where anything I say to him seems to cause a fight. After tons of fighting and me sobbing for hours, he says hes not someone who can do a break and it's not fair of me to ask him for a break when he'd "most likely cheat on [me] during it cause he's a very passionate and sexual man." Whether it's 6 months, 3 months, or even 1 month, he said he couldn't promise how things would turn out. So a break means we are done and he gave me until today to decide if I want to prove to him that I want to be with him or if I want that space. And he said "over my dead body will I beg you to stay with me" which I get not wanting to beg someone, I never asked for that, but that still hurt and I can't figure out completely why ... So much happened last night and I feel so lost and confused. He brought up how he's the only guy I've been with who has actually wanted to help my mental health and I'm wondering if I'm giving up someone amazing. Cause he's right about that. I love him so much and I want to be with him but things have been so bad between us lately, I feel like I'm constantly walking on egg shells around him with what I say and if I'm having really bad depression or anxiety one day, I can't go to him cause he gets upset and says things like "I just want to have fun when I'm with you and this isn't fun" and such. I seriously feel so lost right now. I don't want to give up this amazing guy but he also said some things just last night that broke me so bad ... I don't know what to do

No I see a lot of red flags. NO ONE is in control of your own mental health except for yourself, and if he is then you are too dependent on him. Also you shouldn't feel like you are walking on eggshells. I would leave.

From the sounds of it, it doesn’t sound like you’re losing an amazing man. He’s telling you that he can’t guarantee he’ll be faithful to you away from you, has told you that no one cares about you aside from him. He sounds very controlling and manipulative. Honestly girl, take time away from him and focus on you and your health.

Why do you wanna be with someone who couldn’t even stay faithful over a one month break? What if you have to travel for work? What if you have to go long distance for school or family reasons? He sounds like a jerk.

I personally wouldn’t do a break either. I can take time a part while being exclusive if my partner needs some space but I wouldn’t do an official break (not because I think I would want to be with other people in a short period of time after but I’m just not a fan of relationship breaks). So you can’t blame someone for not wanting to do a break and wait for you to maybe want them back in 6 months or w/e. That said he doesn’t sound like he’s worth it or like he understands your mental issues. If you’re constantly arguing and he just wants you to be fun when you’re down he honestly sounds like a jerk. Take time for yourself and find someone else one day when you’re ready.

@Sams2095 well I've actually always had this worry in the back of my mind cause I have a hip replacement coming up and I was worried about that. And I have another surgery I can't put any weight on my leg for a few months, 6 months until I'm cleared for simple things and I was stressing hard about how we'd work out sex with that ... or if I did want to go to school for 3 months in another state ... so I've kind of had this in the back of my mind but I've chosen to ignore it and then he said that to me last night and my head kind of started spinning

Him saying he can’t promise he’ll be faithful during a break is a way to manipulate you into staying

@aurielle is right. He’s manipulating you.

Agreed with @Tiff10, I personally would never do a break either but if he doesn’t want to do it he should say that and not try to manipulate you into staying with him. Doesn’t sound like an ”amazing guy” to me.

@Tiff10 breaks mean different things to different couples. And from what she’s posted it sounds like OP wants a break from communication and time to work on her mental health, but not see other people. And fair enough if her bf doesn’t want that. But he’s def being manipulative and ignoring her needs in the relationship.

@dancerrruby if you can’t trust him there’s honestly no point to the relationship.

@Sams2095 I agree he’s being manipulative and ignoring needs, I said I’d break up for good if I were her 🤷🏻‍♀️. I’m not trying to defend him I’m just saying I personally don’t like breaks because I’d rather break up or work things out. There’s definitely different kinds of breaks, some are open to seeing others in it, some are closed and not seeing others and you have to establish rules you can both agree on. If you can’t agree on the terms (one wants to see others, one doesn’t) I think it’s best to break up. He clearly can’t agree to them so it’s best to break up. Even if he did agree to them he sounds like a jerk and the relationship seems unhealthy. Especially if he helps trigger your issues. You could get better being apart from him just to get back together and struggle again. He’s not worth it.

He just demanded an answer from me so he "can plan [his] evening." I didn't text back but then he called me like 15 minutes later and I knew if I heard his voice I'd break so hard. I love him so much, more than anyone, so I feel like my heart is being ripped out

You were fine before him, I can guarantee you that you’ll be fine when he’s gone. He doesn’t sounds amazing at all. He’s manipulating you and you deserve so much better than him.

He's not amazing at all. He f#king sucks. He's shaming you over your decision to take a break for YOUR OWN GOOD, is making himself look like the best guy ever for treating you with basic respect to guilt you, and is admitting that he sucks a# because he'd rather cheat on you for his BS "passionate and sexual man" needs than respect the relationship. Honestly, you should just leave completely. He's not good to you. There's enormous red flags and you shouldn't ignore them.

Also he's not doing jack s#t to help your mental health if he says you're "not fun" when you're depressed or anxious. The signs are all there. We beg you, girl.

I have not read one amazing trait he has and everything you’ve said about him scares me a lot. Get out of your mind this idea that he’s amazing because girl all of us disagree 🥶

He shouldn’t be mad at you for that. A man who truly cares will give you that space and will wait for you. If he can just run off to the first girl then did he really care? You’re better off girl, keep your head up.