I had a kinda situationship in 2022 for about a year, we then stopped seeing each other but more recently have started seeing each other casually again. I was at his house on Sunday evening and as I got into his room I noticed a ring on his floor so I picked it up and it was a ring with hearts all around the band. I gave it to him and I can’t remember if I said anything but he tried to convince me it’s his lol. He said it was his due to it being ‘dirty’. He said he hadn’t had a girl over for like 6 months maybe more, but the last time I was over which was in April, his room was tidier so how could the ring just appear in the middle of the floor since then lol. I said about how small it was and he went to put it on his pinky but did it really quick and then he kinda just threw it and we moved on cus I felt awkward about it. Am I making this a bigger deal than it needs to be? I think it’s because my ex used to gaslight me a lot that it’s kinda extra triggering to me I think

It’s pretty obvious it’s another’s girl’s ring, he was too awkward about it to be honest about it. Bit weird to claim he hasn’t had someone over in 6+ months if he was lying but maybe he genuinely hasn’t and the ring has just been left and thrown around his room since then. You just described what happened here and didn’t really add how you feel about it aside from feeling awkward, so I can’t tell if you’re making a big deal about it, but I’m assuming you’re upset about it/him potentially being dishonest if you’re posting? If you’re only casually seeing him you can’t really be surprised or upset that he’s probably seeing someone else but obviously it’s a little unpleasant to see definitive evidence that he’s had a girl over semi recently lol

@bluerose9 I’m annoyed that he lied and tried to convince me it was his when it clearly isn’t. I get that he didn’t want to say as it’s awkward but it was the multiple attempts at trying to convince me with different ‘reasons’. Also I get he can see other people but like you said it’s seeing the evidence of it that’s not nice 😅 and it’s got me wondering how recent it actually was that he’s had another girl there because we have sex without condoms and I obviously don’t want my health to be at risk but I clearly can’t trust his word so have no way of knowing for sure if it was like 6 months ago or more recently, although I feel like it has to have been more recently for it to be right on the middle of his floor like it was genuinely so obvious :/

Is this the same guy you posted about who doesn't text to ask if you got home safely? He is continuing to show that he doesn't want any accountability or deeper connection to you, this is just more information that he feels he doesn't owe you anything. Someone who is more mature or emotionally available could be honest with you about seeing other people but he's shutting you out because he wants the absolute minimum responsibility in your situationship and keeping it as casual as possible. I feel like this is upsetting you and hurting you- clearly you won't want this level of aloofness in a FWB- and it's probably time to end things. Also if he's lying about you being sexually exclusive so that you can go condomless that's a red flag. Get tested and delete his number.

@aurielle yeah same guy, well remembered 🤣 it’s weird cus when I was there the other day we had quite a deep chat about how he treated me in the past and he did ask like should we stop seeing each other cus he doesn’t wanna make me sad lol. Unfortunately I’m still working on myself and being able to let go, I don’t have any friends so I latch onto people and would rather have some company even if it’s not necessarily the best for me lol I’m trying to work on this in therapy atm. He’s never said we’re sexually exclusive, I would just assume he would tell me if there was anything I needed to know like that but now I’m doubting he would based on his reaction to the ring. Going to get an at home test in a couple weeks even tho it doesn’t test for everything it’s better than nothing

It’s annoying as well cus I overanalyse things afterwards, like now I’m thinking about things he said and I’m annoyed I didn’t ask what he meant by them at the time

@_EmS I feel like not being involved with him (or anyone), even casually, will do you good. You make it sound like you have some things you should work through and I feel like you would be much better of focusing on that and redirecting the effort/energy you spent on this situation towards meeting new people and forming genuine friendships.

@Yi_eune I agree, but it’s much easier said than done unfortunately 😅 I’m in therapy and trying to make friends but I feel like until I have some then I’d still like to have him for some company :/

I mean if it’s a situationship there’s not much you can do 🤷🏽‍♀️ I get the he lied to you part. That’s not cool. Especially if yall don’t use condoms that’s pretty scary. You need to be responsible now. Use condoms. Personally the trust would be gone for me. But it obviously sounds like you’re still gonna see him. But yall aren’t exclusive. You can’t be mad that he’s not taking responsibility like aureille said. Looks like he has a history of it. And if it’s just casual with you he doesn’t have to tell you anything. But that’s again pretty scary if you don’t use condoms. Stop blinding trusting him. And don’t assume he’s gonna let you know things cause obviously he doesn’t.

@stinaaa I’ve known him for 4 years and pretty sure this is the first time where I know he’s lied to me and like gaslighted me so I think it’s just hitting me hard. I have a hard time trusting people and I don’t tend to believe what anyone says anyway but it’s the fact I know for sure he has lied to me that hurts. I wish I could just end it but just can’t seem to rn with my attachment & abandonment issues and loneliness :(

@_EmS ohhh okay well firstly don’t have condomless sex unless you’re in an exclusive situation and you’ve both been tested. Secondly sounds like you need to put yourself first and get yourself out of situations that are damaging your mental health.

For therapy to work you do actually have to put the work in, you can’t just talk it through with no actions. What have you done to make friends? What hobbies have you picked up? Do you go to school/work? What boundaries have you put in place for yourself/relationships? What tactics do you do when negative thoughts do creep in? Stating in unhealthy situations for you will not help your mental health.

@Awg1 I’m on bumble bff, have messaged people I’ve matched with but got nowhere. I go to Pilates and I volunteer. I work but pretty much always from home. I only started therapy fairly recently so haven’t got into anything deeply yet but we will be soon so I’m hoping to learn some tactics and things so I can deal with being alone so that I can cut off people who aren’t good for me cus atm I struggle with that

A good first step would be creating that boundary with condoms. You should be putting yourself first.