Hi just looking for an outside opinion: Before I left uni in summer one of my closest friends had a pretty messy breakup with his girlfriend and while trying to be there for him we made some stupid mistakes as he was looking for comfort and I just wanted to help him. After about a week he realised he was just replacing her instead of getting over her and said some obviously true but hurtful things. We agree to be friends and take some time no contact. Over summer we had been texting most friendly most days just more frequently than before but when he started consistently saying good morning x and goodnight x I asked him to reevaluate why he was doing it and take some more time to think. He says he not replacing her and wouldn’t want to but I’m still weary. We will be seeing each other in person again for the first time next week with another friend and then in September when we move back to uni and I don’t know how things are going to be. I don’t want him to think everything is all okay just bc we’ve been messaging we still need to talk a lot of things through in person but next week I’ll only we seeing him around other friends. Thanks, there’s obviously a lot more mess to the story too but might be too long to type

Have you told him that it’s not okay and you will need to talk things through?

@Yi_eune when he’s mentioned liking me over message I’ve said ‘okay but you understand I’m going to be hesitant because of what happened before’ I want to say that everything not all okay and we’ll need to talk things through but it just seems very heavy when everything is light and friendly at the moment and I’d rather bring it up in person but then we’re going to be around other people

I don’t think you should mess with him anymore. It will get messy and you don’t want added drama when starting uni. Find someone in uni or just date around. You deserve better tbh. He may say these things to you now but he can also change his mind and tell you “I think I’m still in love with her” which wouldn’t be fair to you. So just keep it civil and don’t entertain him. He’s prolly trying to fill in the attention he was used to receiving

@Fruitloops thanks for the advice, I think it will be hard as he was basically my best friend at uni. I think he’s the only person I’ve ever liked back and I’ve never dated around so don’t want to just throw things away but I’m very weary about him changing his mind about being over her. I’d be happy to stay friends as I care about him but I’m also autistic and not very good at understanding the difference between romantic and platonic feelings

Trust your gut. If you feel like he’s just using you to fill a void then it’s very likely that’s what he’s doing. Even if he’s not actually you’re clearly getting bad vibes, not a good sign. I would recommend distancing yourself.

if it was me i wouldn’t rush into anything if you are wanting it to maybe end up a relationship it’s better to take it slow stay as friends for a bit to make sure he is over his ex and then a bit further down the line see what happens to make sure he’s not just using you as a rebound as awful as it sounds if you have been close friends for a long time you are familiar to him however he also could have had romantic feelings for you before he started dating his ex so now they have broken up those feelings could come back

@shisjh2883 thanks for the advice ❤️