TW? I really need help and idk where to begin- I’m sorry in advance if this post is long… To give a little bit of backstory, about two years ago I was sexually abused by my ex, among another things. I never really told anybody and just sort of got on with it. Id had panic attacks since but only a few times during sex with my current boyfriend but everything has generally been fine. However in the past month or so it’s been controlling me. I’ve thought about it every day and been having bad dreams. I saw him 2 days ago for literally a second, and ever since then it’s all I’ve thought about and I’ve felt sick and shaky every time I think about him. I know I need to seek help I just don’t know where to begin. The only person who knows is my boyfriend, and as much as I want to tell my mum I can’t bring myself to tell her. I don’t know where to start or what sort of therapy to look for, but I also know it will get worse if I don’t talk about it you know? I just wanted to know if anybody has been or knows someone who’s been in a similar position,or has been in therapy etc, and would have any advice on what to do. At this point it’s just controlling my mind, and started to control every aspect of my life and I don’t know what to do. I just need to talk to someone and find out how to stop thinking about it so if anybody has any advice I will be so thankful

Are you in school? My first step was going to a therapist at my university—you typically get a handful of sessions for free—and then she helped me figure out how to tell my parents. She gave me a couple different options of therapists to go to after my free sessions ran out and I’m still seeing that same therapist 10 years later. So sorry you’re going through this but it does get better I promise!!

@Grazydol8 I’ve just left unfortunately, but if you don’t mind me asking what steps did you take with telling your parents? I feel like if my mum knew it would make the whole situation easier and more comfortable if you know what I mean

I sent my parents email which is not what my therapist recommended nor what I would recommend.. but I just couldn’t do it in person. If you’re struggling with that too maybe a letter would be a good way to go about it?

Are you in the US?

@aurielle i don’t think so, she said “mum”, if you’re in the uk @stargirl06 and going into university they have free mental health services there usually, i hope you get the help you’re looking for x

If you work does your employer have any benefits such as an employee assistance program? Most jobs I’ve worked at (grocery store, Costco, and a school district) partner with companies that offer assistance through an EAP for free and confidential help like counseling sessions, financial planning sessions, nutrition sessions, etc. it might be worth looking into to see if your job has a similar program/benefit. There are also likely local organizations that specialize in domestic violence and/or sexual violence that offer free or low cost assistance to survivors, that might be a good place to start. I agree with what @Grazydol8 said, that a counselor, therapist, or advocate may be able to help you figure out how to share this with your mom and what to say so that she can support you the way you need. They may even be able to help you facilitate the conversation. Although a completely different situation, I did see someone speak about their cancer diagnosis and how when they told their mother about it she kind of prefaced it by saying something along the lines of “I’m going through a difficult situation right now and I would like to share this with you, but I know you’re going to have a lot of feelings about it. I really need your support right now and I cannot be the one to help you process how you feel about it. I am still working through a lot of difficult feelings and really cannot be the person you work through yours with. I just need you to comfort me right now, I can’t be the one to comfort you in this situation.” I’m really sorry youve experience this. I’ve attached a link with lots of info and resources for survivors {gBSZQaNd5} Wishing you all the best 💜

@aurielle I’m from the uk x

@Sams2095 thank you so much, that’s very helpful 🩷

heeyy there! I have literally been in the exact same position as you. I was assaulted by my ex boyfriend 5 years ago and never truly recovered from that. I actually just started telling my closest friends/family last year. You dont have to be afraid to tell your mom, I was really scared too but my mom reacted so much better than I thought she would! Are there any non profit organisations for sexual assault victims? I have been to one and they are trained to help people like us in these kinds of situation and it has helped me sooo much. Please don‘t forget that none of this is your fault and you should be proud about speaking up. It takes a lot to do that and one day you it‘ll get easier to cope with that.

Check what @sams2095 suggested, I know someone who used our EAP and said it was amazing. If you’re in a public sector job, there may be therapy through charity organisations, my friend used this previously as they work in the civil service x