Hi I don’t post too much but this has been on my mind lately lol I have a bit of a situation that I need help picking through lol So Who’s Who just so everyone’s on the same page. Patrick: My dad’s girlfriend’s son. I consider him my stepbrother, even though our parents aren’t married. Brooke: my really good friend Sue: My dad’s girlfriend. My dad: My biological father. Mike: Patrick’s bandmate. ⸻ The Situation I need to know if I’m overthinking this because my brain has been doing gymnastics ever since this happened. For some context, Patrick (my dad’s girlfriend’s son, who I consider my stepbrother) plays drums in a local band. They perform at pubs, restaurants, and bars around our area. My friends, my dad, Sue, and I have gone to several of their shows over the years to support him. A few days ago, I met one of Patrick’s bandmates, Mike, for the first time. We barely spoke. He came over to our table where my friends and I were sitting, and he seemed really awkward. At the time, I just assumed he was shy or that was simply his personality. Then last night my friend Brooke brought it up. She asked, “You know Patrick’s friend Mike from the band?” I said, “Yeah… what about him?” She replied, “I think he thinks you’re really attractive.” Apparently Patrick had told her something along the lines of, “Yeah, she could totally hook up with him if she wanted to.” Then he added, “Yeah, she’s pretty hot.” … Cue my brain completely freezing. Because… what?! This is the part that’s throwing me off. I wasn’t surprised that someone in the band might have found me attractive. That happens sometimes in life. What surprised me was Patrick’s response. I know he may have simply meant that I’m conventionally attractive or that Mike would have a chance if I were interested. But hearing someone I consider my stepbrother casually describe me as “pretty hot” made me do a double take. Now I’m sitting here wondering if I’m reading too much into it, or if anyone else would have found that to be a really awkward comment.

I definitely would feel weird and uncomfortable about this too

😖😫🤢 ugh. I hate to say it but I think it’s common to have the men in our families sexualize us…..😔 and yeah it’s disgusting

At least in my experience…

I’m wondering if HE doesn’t consider YOU like a sister? As in that’s ‘just his mom’s boyfriend daughter’. As in he actually doesn’t think of you as just a sister? Like almost not exactly attracted to you but like he has thought if you both didn’t met the way you did, he would have been attracted to you as more? Guys are not like the way girls are in that way. And if it’s really bothering you, talk to him about it. As in have a mutual adult conversation. Also it just hit me, are you adults? And if not that makes more sense since he’s probably young and doesn’t understand the inappropriate behavior of what he said possibly. Not to make an ‘excuse’ for him but just to play the devils advocate here. And lastly maybe he just thought he was giving you a compliment. Like ‘oh yea you’re hot and you need to know that’ like giving you hype and confidence? I guess what I’m getting at is there are many, many scenarios. Here but it’s hard to understand exactly what happened by speculation?

@PennyLane102 I think it's weird to excuse this on the basis of him "just being a guy" and being young. Men and boys can learn not to sexualize women at any age.

^ agree. Even teenagers know what inappropriate behavior is. And should be learning to respect women at a young age rather than being excused for it to just continue the behavior and make it worse as they get older.

@aurielle I think the phrase you over looked when replying to me is ‘can learn’ If you re-read my post, I asked if she had a conversation about this with him or specifically I said to have a conversation with him. A person, in this case a man can’t ’learn’ what’s appropriate without someone teaching him. Our new generations lack the empathy to understand where someone is and meeting them where they are at. Growth only happens here when two or more put in the work…

@stinaaa again, I’m playing the devils advocate but asking if he’s been taught this. We have soooo many men falling into the ‘red pill’ concept because a lot of women especially aren’t willing to take the time to teach them where they are going wrong. Turning your nose down at someone for their bad behavior doesn’t teach them a single thing. And by the way, I’ve been a teacher for going on three years now (high school) A LOT of young men don’t actually know how to treat women. Mostly because parents especially fathers haven’t been present in their lives. I’ve personally taken a lot of responsibility in teaching young boys how to treat women. So unless you have the same experience and you can also say he is 100% at fault because he has been taught not to think this then I don’t think we should be judging.

@PennyLane102 it's not women's jobs to teach men how to behave appropriately. Other men need to teach them that. And it's not like they have no resources or absolutely no idea of right or wrong. You are a teacher so teaching is your job and it's great that you do that. But it's not a stepsister's job to teach her stepbrother not to sexualize her.

@aurielle you’d be surprised of the number of women and girls (students) I have that are willing to. Again, I’m just saying to have some empathy. This is her dad’s, girlfriend’s son so it seems he has no stable father. I do agree with you men should teach other men. But I feel that sadly isn’t happening. And I’m a person that truly is firm in the thought ‘if you want something done, you’ll have to do it yourself.’ I’m not seeing people really taking the time to educate our society of all this. And you don’t have to be a teacher to teach. There are learning opportunities everywhere.

So let’s just put the responsibility back on women to teach the men how to act right??? Naaaah. It’s not my job. 😂 And it’s not hers either as his stepsister to teach him not to fucking sexualize her. It’s already uncomfortable and disgusting enough. Now you’re saying she should be responsible for confronting him and telling that’s not right??? Hell fucking no. His lack of respect is not her problem. Not one bit. Men’s disrespect and sexualization of us is NOT OUR PROBLEM AS WOMEN TO FIX.

@stinaaa so how will he change? I fear he will stray more to the wrong side and eventually follow the red pill men. But I guess we can just let it happen and not prevent it in any way since like you just said in a very fierce way, is not our problem.