How do you guys deal with differing love languages in your relationships? My husband is absolutely an affectionate type with quality time and physical touch at the top of his list. I am very much so an acts of service lover. I dote around the house doing tasks for him he wouldn’t maybe think of trying to streamline his mornings or preparing meals, doing chores, making crafts. I don’t feel very acknowledged for all that I do and then I feel like he won’t even give me an opportunity to try and lean into his love language and give him affection before complaining that I don’t do it enough. He expects it even when I’m upset/not in the mood and I hate trying to tell him how unrealistic it is for me. I’m struggling to express how I feel with him and explain what I’m trying to say. I feel like we get stuck in a blame and deflection game instead of an actual discussion.

You guys need to talk to each other, that’s the only way to learn and move forward. Both of you will need to put in effort to commit to this long term. If you can’t have a normal conversation about this then I wouldn’t see the point of continuing.

Blame and deflection usually results from defensiveness instead of curiosity and openness. You have to view this as you two against a problem you're trying to solve instead of you two against each other. When defensivness and blame come up it's usually because there are deeper stakes involved or the issue could be triggering for you guys in different ways. Try to get curious about what is at the root of it for both of you and try asking questions like why is this so important to you? What does it mean for you? How has this issue come up in your past relationships and family?