How do I test waters with my FWB/ see if they also might want more ideally without jeopardising what we already have? I would be ok to continue this way if they don’t want more, too… **TLDR:** I’ve been seeing them for 1.5 years. Started it on strictly casual terms - my suggestion at the time. Stayed platonic friends when they got into a monogamous relationship. After relationship rekindled the FWB vibe, and got a lot emotionally closer than ever before. They confessed they missed what we had while with with her. Lately seeing each other a lot more, spending multiple nights in a row, they said they felt “really lucky to have me in their life”. Been there for one another in moments of distress. They say they’re not looking for a relationship right now because of time commitment but yet we are now spending most of our week together rather than apart, and can’t seem get enough of each other sexually either like never before. I started feeling like maybe I’m catching feelings and wondering if they might be too. I’d like to bring it up to them but in a way that doesn’t jeopardise what we have - I’d be ok switching off my emotional side and just continuing as we are if they don’t feel the same way; I would hate to ruin what we have as I cherish it so much but also don’t wanna miss out on what we **could** have...

I should clarify I also kept reiterating to them I love what we have exactly how we have it in the meantime (maybe just fooling ourselves). I have a feeling we might be lying to one another because neither of us is brave enough to make the first step and so we are stuck in a loop of lying to ourselves yet effectively we are already doing everything a couple would and spending so much time with one another - it’s not the same as before…

The only way to find out is to just ask, there is no way to ask this carefully.

No there’s no magical way to do it that will make everything work out perfectly. You’re just going to have to say it. Or write a card/letter maybe? Either way you’re going to have to take a chance. Wishing you the best ❤️

@yi_eune @bluerose9 I guess I just wondered if maybe I should try and let’s say, take them to a more overtly romantic dinner first and see how they react to this setting… roof top, sunset drinks & kissing kind of vibe. Might be a good litmus test to just see how they react to the vague idea of us in a more coupley setting before bringing up the chat (if it went well)??

To me it sounds like you are already quite involved emotionally just without any commitment. So it probably is a good idea to have that conversation to clarify where you guys stand.

@aurielle I mean yes, absolutely. I just want to see if I could somehow test the waters to see if they’re on the same page before bringing it up in an overt chat… just to gauge how they might feel before I bring it up. Especially since right now I’m not deep enough in it that I couldn’t theoretically take a little step back and disconnect emotionally if needed (not that it would be very easy, but at the moment still very doable)

@tboytoy you’re not going to find out how they feel unless you ask. There is no point in testing as it doesn’t really tell you anything. Be direct, don’t play around x

@tboytoy but what difference would it make if you try to gauge how they feel vs just asking them? Either way they are going to be interested in more or not, I don't think that how you approach it will give you a different answer

I think breaching the topic with him in anyway will still get you the same answer and you have to be ready for him not to feel the same way. I also think you need to be ready for things to end. One of my FWB’s brought up wanting to commit to a relationship and I didn’t feel the same way. He wanted to continue things as they had been but I didn’t feel comfortable continuing to sleep with him knowing he had feelings and wanted more, so I ended things. I don’t think being scared things will end is a reason to continue and hope that he will breach the topic or that eventually you both will just end up together, though. FWBs ideally only works if you are both on the same page about not wanting a relationship.

@mAeve_ @Aurielle @YI_eune @bLUerose9 After dropping some very heavy hints and seeing him react well we got drunk one night and I confessed my feelings. He felt the same way and apparently worried I didn’t feel like that. It was all extremely wholesome and now we’re boyfriends. Thanks for encouraging me to have the chat!

@tboytoy awww so happy to hear that ❤️🥰