I’m going through a really tough time right now. For those who has seen my recent post I’ve been with my bf for 8.5 years since we were 15 - we will be 24 this year. Only relationship I’ve been in. Is it normal to start feeling distant and wonder to myself if I could be any happier than I am now? Is it wrong that I feel like I’m constantly begging for the bare minimum and he’s never giving me it? I feel like I’m the problem in the relationship bc I’m the type of person who puts people first before myself. I am constantly nick-picking eveything he does or doesn’t do. Is this normal? Or am I just starting to resent him? I feel like if I don’t kiss him he won’t kiss me. I feel like I never get complimented. Like when I do my makeup and dress nicely I never get complimented. I want someone who wants ME. I want someone who’s going to be proud im their girlfriend. I’m feeling like rn I’m loosing my mind. Im const let in my head thinking “I know I could find someone who will give me what I want”. I feel like I sound like such an awful person for thinking these things. I don’t know if I just miss that “honeymoon phase” or if I really need time to figure out what I want. I feel like leaving will be a waste of 8.5 years. I feel like if I left I’d regret it. Bc I do love him. I do know I would never find anyone like him. He has helped with though a lot. He does everything for me. But I still feel like it’s not enough. Is this just me? Am I just being selfish? I apologize if this post seems all over the place. I’m more so using this as a space to vent my feelings.

have you tried communicating to him the things you want? i know it might feel awkward, but he might not even realise that he maybe doesn’t compliment you anymore or etc. if you talk to him about it and he still doesn’t put that effort in, maybe just consider whether it is a relationship you stay in. i know 8.5 years is a long time, but if you’re not happy don’t be prioritising quantity over quality, you know? wishing you the best though! xxx

Have you talked since your previous post?

I am also curious if you’ve talked. Keeping your feelings to yourself is only going to form more resentment as he won’t adapt his behavior to your needs if he doesn’t know what they are.

I think your feelings are perfectly normal and you might just be outgrowing the relationship. If it's the only relationship you've ever been in since you were a child it's natural to wonder what else is out there and I think it's completely valid to choose to explore.

@pinkguitar yes I say stuff all the time and when I do he gets mad at me. So I have learned to not bring stuff up anymore :(

@Yi_eune yea we did. Things were good and things are good when I’m with him. But when I’m alone I start to doubt things. I start to think about what else could be out there for me. Is this normal after being with only one person since i was a child?

Relationships are built and based on communication. If you cannot communicate openly and honestly that is really concerning and not a good sign. If you feel like you avoid saying or doing things in order to keep the peace and not upset him, that is a sign of an unhealthy relationship with someone. Feeling like you’re walking on eggshells is not okay. I think what you’re going through here is actually really common. I have several friends and acquaintances irl who have gone through a similar experience and have seen multiple people on this platform do the same.

If it helps one of my closest friends went through this with her now ex of 5 years, and spent months deliberating and agonising on what to do, and ended up ending the relationship. Ending that relationship was 100% the best decision for her. She spent a year or two loving and enjoying being single and having fun dating, and recently moved in with her new boyfriend who is a much, much better match for her. It’s definitely not a decision she made lightly and you shouldn’t either, but there’s a couple of things you’ve mentioned here that she felt too/something similar to. It’s okay to grow apart from someone and it’s okay to want something different/better/new for yourself. Putting yourself and your wants, needs and feelings first doesn’t make you a bad person

@Liv420 yes that is normal. You’re in a phase of your life where everything changes. It sounds like you’re slowly but surely (mentally) checking out of your relationship. Love alone isn’t enough to stay in a relationship.

i think if he’s getting mad at you for mentioning things you want (literally the bare minimum from what you’ve said originally) then perhaps that’s not a good sign, lovely. it’s one thing for you to bring things up and him listen but not make the change, but to get mad at you to the point you’re silent now isn’t good. i’m glad things can be good with him, but it sounds to me you deserve and are rightfully wanting more from a relationship.

It’s definitely best to end the relationship, it’s pretty normal to grow out of a relationship that started while you were a teenager, you change so much during those years. Plus you haven’t been happy for a long time despite you trying to communicate, it’s not healthy to stay in a relationship if you feel your needs aren’t being met and you can’t work through issues together x