So my boyfriend and I have our arguments now and again but recently, we had a big one and things were said that weren’t nice at all and ever since I feel like we’ve both been on edge, but I’m trying to move on from it. Anywho, recently it feels like everytime I bring up a small thing that’s bothering me or something I’ve noticed and say about it to him as calmly and as politely as I can, maybe joke about it, he instantly gets defensive and acts like I’m attacking him. And every single time I explain I was never attacking him. If we have an argument it’s usually because I’ve chosen not to bring something up with him and tensions rise until there’s an argument and he’s always saying for me to say something sooner. But when I’m saying “something sooner” he instantly bites back and acts like I’m being hostile, so I really don’t know what to do. I made a joke about him taking a while to reply to things this week, and he’s instantly “I’ve been busy, blah blah no need to be hostile about it” ??? Girls I dont know what to do man, I’ve been so calm and patient but still saying something when I need to otherwise I’ll go insane and it’s just not working

Maybe try to explain that to him and ask him not to get so moody about you talking about your feelings

@livilou he just says that he’s having his say and it’s not fair for me to assume it’s causing an argument, but then he’s literally calling me hostile and coming at me with an attitude ?¿

The difficult thing in these situations is that you need to pick and choose arguments wisely. However you need to sit down with him and tell him that in order to make a relationship successful you need to talk problems out and LISTEN to eachother. Him shutting you down and getting defensive isn’t helping. It’s immature and his attitude will only push you away and make you feel like you can’t talk to him about important things. So I would come in between a balance of those two things. So think if bringing up the issue is worth it, e.g him not talking enough. He may have had a busy week and he’s stressed so let that slide. But if he has done something to upset you then you have every right to speak up. I would just do it in a way which doesn’t sound like you’re accusing him (even though you may not be ) xx

@princesspeac yeah you’re totally right, my problem is I like to poke fun at things too much too so if I notice something I’ll make a joke about it which isn’t the best way to go about things I suppose. Thank you so much xx

@princesspeac you give the best advice, so happy you’re here ❤️

@aurielle I know right? She always knows the best things to say, literally every post I read I’m looking for her comment to read the best advice on the whole thread 😂

Awh girls Thankyou so much! 😭 I try to help as best I can xxx @aurielle @clairenicand And seen as you’re in Swansea! We need to meet girl 😍 But I understand what you’re saying. I tend to make jokes with my partner when I feel a little hurt. It’s a way of dealing with your emotions without actually showing it. However one thing I’ve learnt is that covering my emotions with jokes and being funny doesn’t help me or my partner. I never get my full honest point across and he either gets offended or doesn’t understand what I’m getting at. So as hard as it may feel to be open and honest with your emotions, it’s better to be upfront rather than joke x

My boyfriend and I have been in this state as well. We had one HUGE 5 day long argument about 10 days ago and since then things have been so different. We’re much more affectionate with each other and more loving, but when it comes to any negative feelings, even over small things, it’s like he’s on edge and will blow up quickly. I was hurt over something he said earlier and within 5 minutes it seemed like he was ready to start fighting with me again. It’s a weird thing in a relationship to recover from gnarly fights and we’ve both really been walking on eggshells. I feel like I can’t bring up any feelings without him being kind of a d*ck (lol sorry josh) and he feels like when he brings up his feelings I completely ignore them. Obviously the best fix is communication, but also take time into consideration. Sometimes things simply just need to settle. For us, this had never happened and the fighting went on for so long that the recovery is also taking a bit. We’re both still shaken and a little insecure. I know it’s hard, but just try to keep things at a hushed level for awhile. Obviously don’t bottle up your feelings, but try your best to discuss everything in a calm, matter-of-fact manner. If he starts being mean or attitudinal, don’t change your tone. Stay calm. If he continues to be that way, calmly tell him never mind and keep your distance for a bit. Energy will only build if both parties give into it. Trust me when I say he’ll learn to control his emotions if you show that you can control yours even when being faced with hostility. My boyfriend had a moody few days about a month ago and when I finally did this he immediately stopped being attitudinal and hostile because he realized he kind of looked foolish having a tone with me when I was literally just chilling lol.

@em97 you’re so right. Our argument was only about two weeks ago but like I said it really was a nasty argument and yeah we haven’t given eachother that space to breathe so I don’t think I’ve taken that into account. I’ll definitely do that, it’s hard and I always try to be calm but I’m prone to losing my patience and throwing the attitude back at him after a while 😂