Just asking for an outside view. So I have been seeing this guy for 4 months now. We have been exclusive for over a month and so far it’s going very well. I feel really comfortable around him and sex with him is absolutely amazing. Also, I can much easier voice my desires than before. The thing is, I am 21, he is 34… I know statistically there is a very small chance we will last, I just feel like we will be able to overcome challenges together. I have had a long term healthy relationship in the past so I am not worried about a power imbalance. I am putting off telling my friends and family about him since they probably will judge me. Advice is welcome ☺️😬

How did you guys meet?

@aurielle We met at our tennis club

Honestly, I’ve dated multiple older men since I was 18. Now I am 25 and I realize that there was a reason that they were dating me (they weren’t good reasons). I was naïve and enjoyed their maturity and what they could offer me. But that was my experience, I think it’s important to think about what you want and what he may want. It’s also important to consider that you are in different points in your life, and consider what made him interested in someone so much younger than him.

do you guys have similar plans (timelines for them!) for the future?

@bananass That’s such an interesting perspective. To add, his exes are similar to his age, one a bit younger. We both were not looking for a relationship at all, we kept having interesting conversations and then we realised we started liking each other a lot. Looking back at it now, are you happy you had relationships with these people? I think in the end I need to find out for myself if it works out or not. Somewhere I think breaking it off now because it might not be successful in the future because of our timelines will always leave me wondering.

@roseen Sorry is this is long lol. Honestly, aside from one relationship where he was about seven years older, so it wasn’t as big as age gap I was not happy that I had relationships with those people. But they themselves were bad people, I’m not sure how you view your future with this guy. I tried to imagine myself in the perspective of my friends or family, and if they dated someone with similar age gaps, and I realized that I would think something was off, but I wasn’t realizing that for myself. It’s important that you think about your future and if you see yourself with this person in the long run, if that’s what you want. The age gap is big, but ultimately all that matters is how you feel.

my boyfriend is a bit older than me. not this big of an age gap, but close. i will say, im the youngest he’s been with, and it was a very serious conversation we had before we started dating. we’ve known each other a bit of time.. and i wouldn’t change it for anything. he’s been really good to me, and not in any way weird or a power dynamic or anything like that. it’s about what YOU feel is best for you.

I think it's a red flag if a 34 year old agrees to date a 21 year old. Although the circumstances of how you met and got to know each other seem normal, I would expect a mature 34 year old to back off from anything romantic once they knew your age. I think you have to consider the reasons why someone much older would want to date a 21 year old like @Bananass said. Just as an example my sister just turned 26 and is seeing someone who's 21 and is already pretty unsure about it/doesn't think it'll last. I would proceed with caution here.

I’m 26. Up until April I had worked in a company for 3 years which employed students for college placement for 3-12 months. So during those 3 years I worked with 40+ students mostly aged 19-22, from all different backgrounds just studying similar courses. And while I really liked most of them and considered a lot of them good work friends, there were very clear maturity and life experiences differences between me and them. Even when I was only 23/24. From that experience I would never date anyone under 23. Even at 26. From that experience I seriously side eye anyone over 30 wanting to date a 21 year old. Sure it’s legal but that doesn’t mean it’s okay. IMO. Having lived 3 years as a legal adult is hugely different to having lived 8 years as an adult, I can only imagine how much difference there is between 8 and 16 years as an adult. Tbh? I’d be wondering if he’s dating you cos people his own age won’t. My advice is always to listen to your gut and listen to any doubts at the back of your mind. If something just doesn’t feel quite right then there’s probably something not quite right.