How many days do you give someone before you assume they’re ghosting you? This guy I’ve been seeing is currently staying in another country and he was on holiday this week. He doesn’t use his phone much but is a good texter and usually replies within 2-3 days, sometimes faster if we’re sending short messages back and forth. It’s now been nine days since I last heard from him and I’m assuming I’m being ghosted?? I’m not someone to get upset over not hearing from someone for a couple of days and there’s no pressure for him to reply to me immediately but nine days with no text is kinda ridiculous if you ask me. He’s also much older than me so ghosting someone who’s ten years younger than him makes him look incredibly immature 💀💀💀

I would say if they haven’t texted after 7-8 days they’re a goner

If he’s been away on holiday I’d give him the benefit of the doubt, do you know if he’s back yet?

Oh, I didn’t express myself properly. He’s supposed to be gone for two months and the first week of his stay abroad he’s free (aka on holiday). @bluerose9

@flowergirl21 ah okay. Yeahhh I’d suspect he’s not interested in keeping in contact while he’s away sooo yeh pretty sure you’re being ghosted 🙃

How do I go from there though? We went on a couple of dates and before he left he said he wanted to keep in touch. I have no clue what’s going on and what provoked his change of mind… @bluerose9

Have you texted him?

I sent the last texts over a week ago but he just texted now 💀💀💀 @Grazydol8

@flowergirl21 what did he say?

He just updated me on what he’s been up to this week and replied to the texts I sent earlier @bluerose9

Nice sounds like you weren't ghosted after all :) maybe it would be worth having a discussion about how often to expect communication from him while he's abroad? That way you wouldn't have to worry that he might be ghosting you every time he goes a week or so without texting. Or perhaps set up some dates for phone/video calls so you have something to look forward to.

A week for me would be the limit. I fully understand being away and being busy but I definitely think anyone could spare a couple minutes to reply in a full week. I agree with @aurielle that it might be worth having a conversation about this so you know what to expect while he is away.

How old are you both? If he’s 10 years older he surely should have enough experience in life that he should know how important communication is

If you guys are still casual and he’s gone for 2 months I think you def need to have a conversation about your communication expectations. Personally, I would find texting once every week or two to be plenty if I was dating someone casually who I knew was going to be away for a set period of time and I just wanted to stay in touch so we could see where things go when I get back.

I turned 22 two days ago and he’s almost 32. @blisseyxo_ We actually kind of touched on this topic before! I mean it was more in the sense of assuring the other person we’re fine with not replying to each other immediately and that we’d much rather send longer texts every 3-4 days than message constantly. If I know that I’m not gonna respond to someone within a week (for whatever reason), I always shoot a quick text along the lines of “hey, just wanted to let you know I’m not ghosting/ignoring you, I just have a lot to do right now and will get back to you asap.” Letting the other person know that I’m busy and unable to reply is basic decency for me. I will definitely bring up communication as a topic but I also feel like wanting regular communication is asking for the bare minimum? @aurielle I 100% agree with @Yi_eune that everyone has the time to send a quick message like the one above, especially if a full week has passed already. I personally don’t find texting someone I’m dating casually once every week or two to be plenty. Again, I don’t require constant communication but I’d like the person I’m dating (even if it’s just casual) to get back to me in a reasonable timeframe. @Grazydol8

Sounds like you have different expectations and needs with communication so definitely talk to him about that!

@flowergirl21 Nothing wrong w the fact that you don’t find this amount of communication to be enough but I think also important to recognize that others would and there’s nothing wrong with that either. Def have a chat w him about it so you’re both on the same page!!

Personally I think a 32 year old dating a 22 year old is a red flag.

^ I also think it’s concerning.

@aurielle agreed

Thank you for your advice! I’ll definitely talk to him about :) @Grazydol8 I completely understand where you’re coming from and respect your opinions. I used to not be okay with large age gaps either but decided to give it a shot anyway just to see what it’s like. So far everything has been going well with him and he’s never made me uncomfortable or disrespected my boundaries. Him being older than me has also not impacted our relationship negatively @aurielle @blisseyxo_ @bluerose9

I understand people’s perceptions on age gaps and that everyone is different but I think it’s a bit unfair to say it’s a ‘red flag’ when nothing is known of a relationship… if both are of legal age and it’s a genuine relationship I’m not sure it’s fair to assume it’s automatically a ‘red flag’

@pegasus14 red and green flags can be different for different people.

@pegasus14 that's what red flags are, a general sign of something that might be concerning in a relationship. It doesn't mean the relationship is automatically unhealthy or absolutely needs to end it's a sign to "flag" something and look into it further.

@aURIELLE @bLUErose9 yep I completely get that I wasn’t having a go just offering my thoughts :) I didn’t think about the personal interpretations of people seeing flags differently x